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under the trees

Blue, lines, red gray, blue, lines
Trees of no grass, of no leak
Of no eyes, of no tears
Trees off, no fears

Blue, blue turn red, blue
Fake the mind to shake the earth
Earth no heard no birds
No flights, no hights

Mountains, drops, falls
Gray, granit, rocks
Swiss love of somme fair day
Swiss love, cove and cave, may

Play with the rocks
With the light, the night
May play, deaf
May play, blind

Please undo the blue, the sky, the NIGHT!
PLEASE UNDO, PLEASE, night
Sight
Squeek

Squeek
I have seen the day
The mist, the dawn, the day
And somehow, I may
Please

I have seen the lark
Lurk and fall
Down, killed
No breath, no sight

I have seen the lark, the poor lark
He had flight
Even if is heart
Was a rock

He has fallen
He had fallen
...
...fallen

I can't stumble to fall
My eyes, poor blue eyes
Skies
Mices

Squeek, squeek, meek


Author notes

Is it harsh to read?

A contest entry

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Comments


  • truembrace
    April 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with Zayra in that this piece is interesting. I will also say that the form did keep me very involved from verse to verse - but it also had me questioning the strength in overall grammar that you have. The way you have "hight" and "somme" had me wonder if I was missing something in translation. There were a few other areas where I thought the passive verb seemed awkward or the way the verse was constructed could have been more polished.

    Did I like this? Yes - for some reason it had a strange appeal to the piece overall that had this poem dwelling in my thoughts with the colors and the word choice. Still, it seems as though it's a draft on its way to being a great poem with a few tweaks along the way.

    thanks so much for entering something so very different that kept my interest intently throughout.

    Kim

    • lutinois
      June 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      thanks, really

      I am trully happy that you find my poem interesting. I am a french Canadian, not so good with the english grammar, trying to speak out with the few I know...

      I love you loved it


  • Heart Sutra
    April 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is interesting. It reminds me of experimental spoken word or performance poetry that is intentionally written to be acted out as well as spoken. Thank you for entering the contest.