Another episode's starting, another time of weakness.
A weakness so devastating because she knows she can't prevail.
She can't prevail because she's so tired and worn.
She's so tired and worn because it's not safe to rest, nor sleep.
Nay, IT'll get her there.
She sits in the pew and waits for it to start.
IT grabs her and tears at her until she nearly breaks.
She can't take it anymore, the pain's so harsh.
Her prayers are slow and thick, creeping off her tongue like molasses.
Hell on Earth, IT wants to crush every bone: soul and body.
Collapse.
Darkness within her feeble reach.
Fighting, battling in vain.
The death rattle could be heard amidst the screams, the shouts, pleas, and beatings.
IT's creeping up.
Oh, so cold.
Oh, so cold.
death rattle.
Death Rattle.
Death Rattle!
DEATH RATTLE!
So cold, so dark.
Her bones begin to diminish to dust.
Her eyes drip the thickest of glazes.
Each breath she possesses is pressed out of her weary lungs.
Into a rag doll she becomes.
Lifeless.
IT's darkness wins.
Author notes
Dear Judge of this Contest,
I'm hoping you will like this, and I'm hoping that if you don't, you can give me constructive answers on how to improve it.
-Susie Statutory+
A contest entry
- Fear -- Make Me Feel It by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended May 1, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SCARE ME TO DEATH by thelovesongwriter.
410 points, ended June 6, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - So You Think You Have Soul?? by Trixie08.
300 points, ended September 2, 182 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darker Than The Abyss by DancingShadowCorpse.
900 points, ended September 20, 2007, 91 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
whoa! very intense! it kept me reading! great job on description, i feel like i'm there next to her. great job and good luckK
-
"Her bones begin to diminish to dust." - i like that line
unfortunately there was nothing else i liked about this poem
it was Extremely cliche and the "IT" was very irritating, as was the use of words such as "darkness" and "death"
i can relate to this but it wasnt about how it really feels, just how you expect it to.
rag doll image was nice maybe that would have been a better starting point.
the "death rattle" bit was overdone and childish.
Thanks for entering but this is not what i am looking for.
x -
hmm, I can definatley relate and this present state of time. I am more than miserable... Some have been worried for my life, so yeah I am worse than miserable... so I can understand. Hold onto your faith in God, family,, poetry or any other hobby. Whatever it is that keeps you going.
xxx -
please put your name in the author comments.
Adding your comment:
