The unspoken words
creep through my mind
they want to break free,
may I unwind?
The secrets I keep,
time that I bide,
have made my short life
one helluva ride.
These unspoken terms,
I’ll never tell,
the secrets I carry
I’m taking to hell.
I know it’s not right
to hold in these words,
speaking to no one,
cries going unheard.
But try as I might
to say what I think
I can’t open up,
in thoughts do I sink.
Unspoken words,
thoughts that I cherish,
unspoken words,
with them I’ll perish.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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"I can’t open up,
in thoughts do I sink."
It makes me picture quicksand, and a cry for help O.O i do not know why, it just does... i loved the fact that it just kinda created random images in my head...
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Great rhyming,I like the fact that it's unforced,basically...
Inspiring meaning behind it... -
they hurt dont they?
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A lot...
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Really amazing poem! Great write!
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This is very well done! The ryme was good as well. I like that in some way this is very relatible since you never devolged what you want to say or any secrets. So this leaves it open for the reader to try and relate. I liked this very much!
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Wow
This is extremely deep and my comment won't match lol
Hmm...llemme see...
I like it...i like it a lot
I feel like this all the time!
I think the 2nd stanza 4th line you should write
"One hell of a ride" it's easier to understand
But it was really well written and it was great!
Good work, keep it up
Abidoodle -
I liked this. Not sure I can offer more than that in the way of a deep comment. lol. The rhyme and approach was simplistic, and that's what worked for the subject. You don't get lost in metaphor or heavy imagery, and it happens to be a great way to take on the subject matter. So... I liked it
Lol. Sorry I can't offer a better critique than that.
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very good use of language and your ryhming is amazing x wish i was that good x well don
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I wonder if you actually cherish the unspoken, or if it is just familiar. I liked the way you penned this and the emotion you have cut across in it. Well done.
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With them you will perish eh? The please do unwind... because dead poets are of no use to AP This was a good poem... I enjoyed it.. and I liked the flow... but I despise the BG... which I seem to be having problems with today.. they seem to be making my eyes hurt... Heh... Kudos on the poem...
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The mind never tells
Sometimes its best to keep a few secrets to oneself if not only for the pleasure of knowing it will never be anyone elses to share. -
I really like this, there si a lot of emotion that you can just feel through out your words. The rhyming scheme is of a little bit in the second to last stanza however, but thats just about the only thing i really noticed. this is a really nice write.
♥
coley -
this is soo good. i also have a lot of unspoken words but everyone thinks i dont becuase i talk alot, but i only talk about nonscence so . . .
anyways this was excellent. i thoguth you had great wroding. no excellent is an understatement. that was great! keep it up.
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good write like all your other ones, really like good keep up thr good write i really liked I know it’s not right to hold in these words, speaking to no one cries going unheard
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