She stings with tartness in her first defence,
protection from a world which seeks to prey;
a humble child who would not give offense,
her shield is tough, yet quickly falls away.
Her face conceals enough, yet those who know
will see beneath what sweetness nature gives;
each section of her heart prepared to flow
with succulence - who tastes her nectar lives!
A child of sun, she flaunts her orange dress,
and like the sun herself, she loves the warm.
So common, no one mentions her unless
a use is found, where she may lend her charm.
Of those who read these lines, would one dispute
the value of the simple orange fruit?
In a list
A contest entry
- Personification by Shining eyes.
550 points, ended December 22, 2007, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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There is incredible poetic talent in this sonnet. Every time I read it it just seems to get better. There is not a single word that could be changed, it's just perfect.
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Great flow, great language, great idea for a poem...what more is there to say
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Thank you silvie
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*smiles* Epi is right, I can see that comment right below mine right now. You do a wonderful job constructing easily flowing rhyme with very measured time. I like this piece in particular, the subject matter is original in my sight. Oranges are tasty.
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Thanks matthew-
I wrote this for leander-teacher's course on metaphors and personification; the task was to write of an object as a person. It was loads of fun, and as "Epi" says, the diffulty factor just makes it more fun. I have been writing sonnets since 2004, and lost count at 150 of them. Practice makes it easier.
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Nice, Nice, Nice
I'm so glad you've joined the Rhyme and Meter Workshop group, because it gives me someone to point to as an example of "what to do."
There are two places where a less experienced poet might have slipped into trite language - to get the rhymes with "prey" and "dispute." But you have massaged them in to make them fit the rhyme without sacrificing good grammar.
Some seem to think that grammar doesn't matter - that poetry is supposed to be raw emotion without rules. The tricky thing, though, is that without good grammar, people have to guess at the meaning, interrupt the flow of thought, go back a couple of lines, run up to it again, etc. If that's the goal, to shake people up and challenge their perceptions, well, terrific. But if the goal is to communicate an emotion and transport the reader to another state of mind, having the poem flow smoothly allows the reader to experience the images rather than concentrate on the form.
So kudos to you on a poem that is well crafted on so many levels. A great read.
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Thank you, I'm happy you like this. I like your discussion of grammar, I agree that sense must be retained. That said, you can get away with sentence fragments and irregularities that prose will not permit.
I've always admired the rhythm of Shakespeare's works, blank verse and sonnets, and even the plays have many speeches set in verse. It took some practice to sound almost natural while doing it. The trick for me was learning to hear the stresses of language, and to choose the words which lilt in this lovely beat. That seems to be the difficulty for most beginners.
It strikes me as funny that you picked those rhymes - all the ay rhymes are easy, and dispute was chosen to match fruit in the last line.
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God's, you two are so far over my head it's not even funny.
hopefully I'll stick around long enough for it to rub off by osmosis if nothing else.
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this sonnet is exquisit ...
just absolutely perfect and very appealing in its language, imagery and flow ...
a winner for me ...
marion -
Hi, I wish to point out that I was not consulted on the judging of this contest,I informed myco. judge that I would do my choice today Sunday, when I went to do it, I saw that she had already judged, my choice would have been very different, sorry about this but it was not my fault as she was informed I would do it today and had said that that would be fine. great sonnet It would have taken the gold if I had had anything to do with the judging.Di
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Ours is not to question why, that is up to Rae and Di!
Thanks for that comment Di, I thought it was not so bad.
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How ingenious the orange maiden! You are such a delightful sonneteer and thank you so much for visiting my sonnet. My best,
Belle
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Thank you Belle, this was fun to write, and I'm happy you enjoyed it.
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Interesting. At first I read "orange" as just one syllable, but then caught on. Very well done. Good luck!
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Thank you Frodofan, I'm happy you like it.
We know that English has a lot of regional variation - I always say orange in two syllables.
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I have this compelling taste for orange juice! Can't imagine why. Oh,wait. Could it be this perfection of sweet natured confection of a sonnet caused this craving?Well versed Madam Sonneteer.
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Thank you suseann! I felt that way myself, and could not resist the tangerines in the market. Thank you for applause, I'm happy you enjoyed this as much as I did.
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Oh, well done, Margaret!
I would have tried to work her navel in. -
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Haha! Thanks Marcy!
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Margaret, I just love this. It's perfect and lovely, and the imagery is wonderful. As usual, you have made my reading time so worthy!
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this sonnet is just amazing !
perfect iambic pentameter, exquisit vocabulary, vivid and colorful imagery, delicate rhymes, all together woven into a canvas of delight ...
just wonderful ...
maa
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The imagery is pursued well throughout... almost too well for me as I shivered at her skin falling away (!!). The ending couplet is terrific, and I always applaud the use of any form of the word "succulent."
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Yes, I had a qualm about "skin". That describes the real object more than the person, when it is meant to describe the outer defences. I think "shield" may work.
Thank you for applause and appreciation, it is always a pleasure to hear from you.
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a peeling!
Perfect English form if we are willing to forget where the Volta should go---but, even Bill didn't really care so much about form as he did content. What use other than juice? Don't you just love the English sonnet? -
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Thank you for a second read! Yes, the sonnet has been a passion and pursuit for me. Your question about oranges indicates you are more poet than gourmand.
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Oh, this is 'outstanding' and the personification works so beautifully within this, showing us 'life' through this 'simple orange fruit', how especially well it works, beautiful imagery and another wonderful sonnet from that flowing pen of yours, you seem to make it look so effortless, when it is not, you make this flow and sing and just Bravo on this one, dear Marg and best of luck to you in the contest.
I loved this! Thank You!
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Thank you dear mi! I'm happy you enjoyed. It was fun to describe one thing in terms of another.
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An outstanding Shakespearean sonnet. Beautiful imagery laced throughout. An amazing piece. I wish you the best in the contest.
Sam
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Thank you Sam - I thought I would try the effect of personification. I'm happy you like it.
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