Love be the strongest power presented to man
& yet it manages to stay the most deceitful
full of trickery and cons
Nothing is ever as it seems..
& Reassuring that everything will be alright
can only hold so long,
When the tunnel is so far & dark
promising of light seems but a lie.
What happened to us?
As suddenly everything is falling around us
& Inside us
& It's becoming harder and harder to stand tall..
To fall would be to fail you
my deepest fear of all.
When the ground is crumbling beneath our feet
however should we refuse to fall?
Clasping hands as we both fight tears
& I feel you begin to break
Almost the crow of your cynic
choking with sharp beak the mouse that is the fragility of your mind.
To hold you close & above & to keep you strong
& not let of my fears to your conscious,
our most upheld & foolproof plan
will be our hardest downfall.
& With one quick, painful stab to the heart
an involuntary suicide..
WE are dead.
Author notes
Yeah so this is the absolute first poem I have written on my own accord [as in not for school] since September 26th. And I'm still as sucky as I used to be.
I don't really feel like explaining this. Even Danny shouldn't get it without me telling him. But still, it's about what you take from it, not what I tell you to take from it.
I do need a title. If I don't think of one or someone suggests one that I don't feel fits the poem well enough, I guess I'll just leave it at untitled. Headlines don't make the article- titles don't make the poem.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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The Crow (?)
Wow.... this is actually very nice. It... is a bit confusing, but maybe that's because it doesn't have stanzas and you can't really tell what is supposed to go together and junk like that, but that also gives it an abstract feeling that you obviously sort of wanted (judging by the comment about "it's about what you take from it, not what I tell you to take from it."), so cheers.
Uhm, upon first read I didn't get the crow and the mouse of fragility part, I didn't get the two went together, lol, but that was probably because I was rushed to read it and go eat (mother dearest was yelling at me quite terribly ^.^'), I was having trouble deciphering what a sharp beak and a mouse (the animal or part of the computer(?)) had to do with one another, but after reading it, I quite like it, especially that part. It seems quite important, so I am suggesting 'the Crow' as the title, with reference to the Raven (sort of, not really, but you know) and it seems like... I dunno, significant. It has that air of wtf are you talking about that you seem to like when chosing titles, but it makes sense, but only if you read it carefully. But i dunno, you don't hafta use it, just thought I'd give you a suggestion -------(and notice this lengthy response, it's partly out of guilt ^^' sorry about not calling you back after I nearly swore I'd do it, but you know stuff happens... twice. Mom wanted a back rub, I weanted a cold cold shower (It's fricken hot!), and I had to clean my room and junk. I'm really sorry, but I am going to bed early tonight so I'll be awake tomorrow when you call ^_^)-------.
Another Part I like is the.... okay, it would be easier to tell you the part that I sorta dislike ^-^. I like the beginning of this part, about the crumbling ground, but I don't really like the for falling is to fail you, I don't... ahahahhh. I think I just didn't like the wording, because the way I worded it there, I like it, lmao. Sigh, but anyways. All the other parts I really lik- oh yeah. The ending. It kind of through me off, it seems a little random and... like romeo and juliet-ish. Bah, I just realized that the Crow isn't really an adequate title. Rereading this i still don't get the part with the crow. "Almost the crow of your cynic" I get that part, except the 'almost' "choking with sharp beak the mouse that is the fragility of your mind" ohhh... oh-ho ho, I get it. ^-^' Sorry. so... Their cynicism is ... driving them insane? Breaking the fragility that is their mind... I- I sort of get it. I suppose.
Hm, I must think of a new title. and I think this review was longer than the one before that was longer than your rant. Yup. I'll still be thinking on that then. Toodles.
~Kiara Kuro
Kelsey-chan
the Lovely.~
An anagram for you:
-Gregory House - Huge Ego, Sorry-
Fouge!
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I'd bang me,
i really really like it. mucho. now i have some competition. XD
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