I look into illusion, I see it flying by
shapes and images only I can see
my desires and fears are personified before me
I am the keeper of my imagination's key
lost in thought, head in the clouds,
do not attempt to get through
I am stuck in my illusion and I simply cant hear you
for the time I am here, I am truly gone
mentally I am flyin high
beautiful illusions go through my mind
as my head is pointed toward the sky
A contest entry
- The Clouds by Heart Sutra.
525 points, ended April 27, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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great job in pulling the theme of clouds into your poetry with flying high as some kind of metaphor for your base of this piece. There was a lot of end line alliteration / rhyme throughout the piece that stressed the "i" sounds throughout that pulled our attention to certain words. There were a few times I thought of the sounds moreso than the images you were trying to portray as I don't often write rhyming poetry. You did a good job with that as well - not overdoing it. It gave your poem a bit of a lyrical quality in doing so that makes for easy reading if the meter is tightly gauged.
Overall, a nicely written piece - and I do wish you the best in this contest.
Kim
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Thank you for sharing your poem. The illusions are definitely in the clouds...and sometimes in our eyes too.
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