A simple touch, hand in hand,
Yet white as light and soft as sand.
Thought confuse, logic mystify
By the shining in your eyes.
The lingering story of our last dance
Whispers of horror and romance.
A simple lie of my chill and your heat,
Woven by our hands and told by our feet.
We move through its joy, spin through its woes,
The tale ever turning from the tips of our toes.
It rolls like thunder and trills like a flute,
And I know what could be lies are truth.
What I lack in skill, beauty, and grace
Are made up for by love, painted on your face
But the song ends, leaving its mark,
And you release me as all grows dark.
Now light returns, and we have our chance.
The music begins. Would you like to dance?
Author notes
I'm not sure if this is what you were looking for.
Kikai Ni
This is a story about the last dance between two people, and it seems to tell the story about everything between them. It starts with him taking her by the hand, looking in her eyes, and then beginning, slowly, to move. Then it rises suddenly in tempo, and ends just as suddenly. Now they have one last chance to start all over again.
A contest entry
- Falling In Love by WayWithWords.
400 points, ended December 10, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bring It All by Simply Simple.
1800 points, ended February 26, 2008, 120 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Unconditional Love... by marciakay81.
300 points, ended February 27, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Love Writes Here! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 8, 2008, 306 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ultimate Poet - Auditions by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 24, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love... Envy... Fabulous by Pretty Britty.
750 points, ended April 4, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Close Encounters Of The Tender Kind. by Poetryintheblood.
450 points, ended April 17, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes!! by HowardsDaughter.
350 points, ended April 25, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - photographic hearts and snowed-in skylines. by deadpixie020.
900 points, ended April 27, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Happy Wedding Poems:~Natalie and Dimitri by SilverMoonFeathers.
1350 points, ended May 9, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [I love the way you move;] by kill the lights.
525 points, ended May 2, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Allpoetry Survivor! by broken-colours.
600 points, ended May 2, 2008, 49 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Does it make any sense? What so ever?
Comments
1 - 63 of 63
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I really love the way this is written, good flow, good rhyme.. it's really vivid.
[stay sick']
xx Sin -
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"Vivid" . . . I like that. Not many people say that. Thank you.
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I like this. I like the way you summarize the poem. Very nice.Shancy.
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Thank you, Shancy.
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Wow this is very well-written. I love the imagery and descriptions an it is extremely deep to th core of its words. I cna't say which line i like best i'm so speechless.
Thanks a lot for Entering!
~
---->{Silky}
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^^ Anytime. Like any good poet, I don't feel I deserve such praise, but kind and sincere words are always appreciated.
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Good poem Very deep
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Thank you
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Wow, that's a lot of contests. I really liked this; the rhythm and flow were very well put together, though I wasn't quite sure how the title really fit with the poem itself. And I was a little put off by the use of 'sits' in relation to love, but overall, I really liked this! It was well-written and I love the ending. Good luck in the contest!
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=^.^= contests good
The title didn't fit with the poem; I'm terrible at titles. Actually, I renamed it recently so it's a bit more appropriate.
>.< I couldn't think of another word.
Thanks much.
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Thank you for your beautiful entry, good luck, Josie
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You're welcome and thank you.
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What a neat little poem you have penned here... very well done!
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Um, thank you? 'Neat little poem' . . . yes, I suppose that's a compliment. Thanks.
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It is. I use "neat" just as one would use the word "good" lol
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If you wish to be considered as a preliminary finalist you must fill out the contest profile and add it to your author's notes.
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Thank you for the reminder; I filled out the profile.
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I enjoyed reading this poem. It was very well written. I could see these two people dancing.
Dani -
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I'm glad the imagery was done well; it's often my favorite part of the poem.
Thank you.
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I like this poem, especially the rhyming at the end. It gives the reader enough detail to visualize, and yet the emotions contribute nicely as well. What a great concept as well, even after I read the AN.
Thanks for entering your write in "Enter All Your Love Writes Here!", and good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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Thank you for setting my mind at ease - I'm always tentative about entering AN because my reader may have a complete different understanding than my own.
I'm glad the detail and emotion didn't conflict.
And thank you, also, for the wish of luck. I appreciate that ^.^
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Sis
I was a tad late to enter the contest, but I was throwing my support to you! Let me just start out by saying this poem is absolutely beautiful. I think this has to be one of your very best love poems! ^-^
Love you sis! -
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Figures you'd go all big brother on me ^.~
Hm. Yes, I think this just may be my best work. How sick is that? -
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Its not sick little sister! ^_^ It is your best work I fell in love with the piece.
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this is incredible. thanks for entering.
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Anytime. I think it's my best love poem.
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Neat poem. This one's title caught my eyes and that is why I just had to read it. Great write! X
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Well, I'm glad the title wasn't completely detrimental.
Thank you.
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I loved this sooooo much! It reminds me of the end of Twilight where Edward takes Bella to the prom! This was a wonderful piece and made plenty of sense. Welcome to the finalists list!
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^.^
Now here's a comment that makes perfect sense to me.
I didn't even think to relate it to that, but the fact that it made you think of it makes me so happy. I'm really glad you enjoyed/understood this.
Thank you so much.
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Nice descriptive passages that held me throughout the piece, plus I had the Tuck Everlasting soundtrack on while listening that complimented it well. Thanks for entering.
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Hmm
I never related it to Tuck Everlasting. It makes me glad, somehow, that the music matched. It's a great comfort.
No problem.
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finalist.
I loves this, twas amazing [=
finalist is all i can say [=
♥
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lol
"Finalist" is a fine reply. It's the best feedback I've had in a while.
It tells me how much you appreciated this without droning
Thank you; that's all I can say.
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I don't know if you meant dancing literally or "the dance of love" if you understand me...
Either way it's pretty interesting. And I have to thank you for proving that all the entries weren't... hm... I don't know how to put it politely... all the same?
Nice descriptions. I'm not sure I quite understand the sarcastic title though. -
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I Know What You Mean
It wasn't really literal, but I guess it could be taken either or both ways.
Don't worry about the title. I've always been bad at those. Hell, if you've got a better idea, PLEASE throw it my way. I'm no good at it.
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this is fucking pure beauty!... i love it!... when i read it... it sounded lyke a song... i could almost hear a beat as i read... a slow... smooth... wicked beat... thats never happend to me before!... i fucking love it!... u are an amazing poet!...
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lol Thank you
^.^ I really like getting comments like this, more than I enjoy comments that give me detailed feedback, because I can tell that you were caught up in this, which is my point with writing. I always feel like I have accomplished something great when I read comments like yours.
So truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
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This is really good, I like the emotions put in and the way you told the story. I really enjoyed this read. Well done. hannah
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Oh, Good, I Got Clappies
I keep saying 'well done' on all my comments on other poems, and I just realized how annoying it is, because it's a completely nuetral statement.
But thank you all the same.
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Beautifully written. I just loved this one. I enjoyed it. The flow was very nice. As for me I love to dance though I'm not good at it. But besides the point. Thanks so much for the read and keep it up!
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I don't dance well, either
But then, I don't enojy it much at all. I'm too prideful, but I'm working on that. My friends don't allow for much of an ego.
I liked the flow myself. Thank you.
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Beautiful! You can feel the chemistry between these two. You describe the sensations with wonderful detail. Great write! Good luck in your contests!
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I didn't realize
I didn't think of the chemistry between the two characters. I'm glad it worked out without my consideration. This seems to happen often.
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beautiful! It's truly fabulous in flow and rhyme and story. It's great!
WWW* -
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That's quite some praise
Thank you. I enjoy receiving sincere comments.
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"What I lack in skill, beauty, and grace
Are made up for by the love that sits on your face"
That is so sweet.
I liked this a lot.
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*rofl*
And to think, I almost edited that line out.
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wow great write smooth flow I wish you the best of luck in the contest as well as your future write keep up the excellent penning this is really good
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Thanks; I can always use more luck
I'm glad to know you enjoyed it. I enjoyed writing it, but the author only begins the story - the reader finishes. But, then, I'm sure you already knew that.
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agreat write, its different.i like it. Good luck and thanks for entering
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My writing is different, if anything - but I suppose every poet would say that.
Thank you.
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Thanks for entering.
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Anytime.
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Wow. Beautiful. Makes perfect sense.
Your description is fantastic. Keep it up. You have a giant load of talent. Have you ever looked into meter?
Wow. This brought back an amazing memory. Unfortunately now it only brings pain, but I certainly hope one day those last two lines will apply to me.
Welcome to my favorites list.
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Sweet
This comment was very heartfelt. Thank you. Comments like these are what I post for. Looked into meter? What is meter? I am sorry that I brought rage to mind, but I am glad that you identified all the same. I am certain someone will ask you to dance. Until then . . . it's not nearly as fun, but have you tried dancing alone?
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I think this is a wonderfuol portrayal of the dancing between lovers, I love how it flowed right off the page making it brilliant to read
Karen
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Wow, thank you
Coming from a poet as developed as yourself, it both inspires and humbles me to recieve such praise. I was very proud of this when I finished; I am so glad you enjoyed reading it.
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hmmmm, this is golden, i like it, you did a great and wonderful job on this, keep it flowing my friend, keep it flowing
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"Golden" . . . I like that
I consider this one of my better peices, and I'm very pleased and humbled that you would turn your attention to it. "Great and wonderful," I'm not so sure of, but it makes me so happy to recieve such praise. I thought the flow may have been slightly off, but, judging from your comment, it was adequate. Again, thank you.
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Yeah
It was really good it had really good flow, and it rhymed well too. So keep up the good work. TTYL.
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YES!
You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that. The flow is always something I stress over, and it means a lot for you to say it's good. Thank you so much, I really needed the support.
Oh, and by the way . . . interesting face. -
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Thanks lol ttyl
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