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Transparent Bullets

Transparent Bullets

As winter begins to thaw,
I awake from this chilled dream world
And peer through the fingers,
That cover my eyes in mockery of prison bars
I bury my face in this deep hole
And allow this faint to play my part
Within this day, that fades into the next without warning,
The words I read
Are absorbed into my blood steam
And become me once more
I lay represented by a pattern of letters,
A code with no decipherable meaning
I allow my mind to fade,
Into this sequence of ones and zeros
And without regard to the emotions,
That lay preserved in frozen hearts,
They slowly melt away from life
I shoot these transparent bullets,
Glances that pass through to the other side unnoticed
And in an uncertain tranquillity of forgotten memories,
Paced footsteps flood the air,
Seeping through the skin of the world
The current echoes which repeat their patterns through the sky,
Dissolving in our minds in time,
To leave a subtle trace of the message in relevance to us
The last cold tears slip down the drains,
When the day draws a new ending,
Silently leaving without a goodbye

I'd really appreciate some critique, thanks for reading.

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Comments


  • Despairkitty
    April 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    WELCOME TO ALLPOETRY!

    You had a lot of great metaphors here. I enjoyed the flow and the pace of the piece. In critique I would say that you should take out some of the puncuation. I rarely use it in my pieces. Some people complain of that from time to time, but I like to find my own beat in poetry. Anyhow, I am a greeter and wanted to welcome you. Feel free to ask any questions and I hope you enjoy your time here.
    Despair