i don't remember this
i don't remember you
i don't remember caring about anyone
nor did i want to
i don't ever want to
so what is it that i am forgetting?
i thought i was past this
i thought i forgot him
i thought i was free of caring
but no
somehow i find myself back on square one
confused and alone
wondering when this happened
and why this smile has set me backwards
freedom is such a choice phrase
and this fixation
on my frustration
of liberation
with him
how can it be?
i don't like them
they're too male for me and yet...
again i feel drawn
like a moth pulled toward the deadly flame
popping
sizzling
but i can't turn away
i want to enter and to understand
who are you, mysterious stranger?
and why am i drawn to you?
Author notes
qui est is french for who is it.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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'like a moth pulled toward the deadly flame"
that is my favourite line,
I really love this piece,
And i can tell it's really deep.
I can relate to this a lot.
I've been in a lot of bad relationships,
And this reminds me of all that,
But it also reminds me of how i overcame the shit.
i love this so so so so much.
Keep writing.
I'm going to be watching.
If there is anything else that you would like me to comment on,
please let me know.
-Alex
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thank you so much dear. your comment is truly touching. i'm always sorry that people can connect to pieces like this because i know how it feels, but all the same its good to know we're not alone.
thanks dear.
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this is a strange poem... it's you... and yet not. it's a bit different. usually your poems... well, this one is really open ended, but i guess it makes sense because it's you asking questions. i suppose it's only right that it should leave the reader in the same situation.
i know that the picture is one of sean... but is that what this poem is really about?
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i can't believe i never answered this!
um...unfortunately this poem is. but at the same time its kind of...i dunno, pseudo autobiographical in that we rented this tv show called "the storyteller" and its a jim henson show from like the late eighties. and in one ofthe episodes (the true bride) the lead character falls in love with the garderner, who just happens to be played by sean bean. and it was crazy because she looked down in the garden and saw him and he looked up and smiled at her and i about shit a brick. then my brain went "wait a dog gone minute here dara joy what the fcuk." i totally didn't expect to get as excited as i did about it. and it was like "well, i hate guys and when they flirt with me i want to puke and kick them in the nuts" but all he has to do is smile in an episode of a tv show and i'm speechless? i dunno...i was musing when i wrote this because my reaction amused me. ^^;
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Wow.. I am speechless here.. This poem kinda throws a loop into the personal aspect here.. Though I know not the guy in the picture but replace that with a picture of Gale Harold or Spike from Buffy and I can honestly say that this poem would speak for my own thoughts..
"i don't like them" "but i can't turn away"
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i am some kind of lame. ^_^ but yeah, guy in picture is sean bean (see my latest myspace journal entry) and yeah. he has a bizarre tendency to take over my mind and make me go crazy. even when i'm like "blah i hate men i want to kill them all" i see him in something and i'm like "oh...sean bean...::mellow::" so yeah. that's kind of the story here. i just don't get it.
boy. peh. -
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Your not lame.. I completely understand.. Though the whole sexual/mental/emotional/physical attraction does not make sence to me when it comes to those two boys but yeah, anyway..
*wanders away thinking to herself.. -
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well i'm glad that you at least understand. i am still trying to understand myself and it isn't working so well. bleh, stupid me. >_<
whatcha thinking about, if i may ask... -
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Understanding is one large road.. :\ I wish there was something I could do..
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lol.. I am thinking about lots of things.. How when I look at a guy I feel sick and don't want them around but when I look at pictures of guys I can fall in love with them because in a sence they are not real.. The are just pictures of people.. But when they get real I get cautious cause I fear them.. Which makes me wonder what sort of magic is in pictures to make a true to the heart lesbian fall in love with a man.. Huh..
I think I am in one of those deep thought thinking moods today and my thumb hurts really bad..
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