Pouring from cataracted skies,
blind to your storming retribution,
clouds slaver hungrily on the moist earth below
and desiccate over dust-filled deserts.
Parched by your burning resolution,
barren lands bask longingly in the darkened nighttide.
Whispers fall in a twilight rain,
collapse to conceal all form,
and abandon the condescending celestial sphere.
Pouring from cataracted skies,
eyes of heaven bleed acidic tears
and burn away grass like flesh and bones.
This migraine bereaves me,
migrating south of a disdainful heart.
Beneath the border of physical being
pain slashes through my chest once more.
Inhale the knife into my lungs
and drown in pleuritic splendor.
As whispers fall in a twilight rain.
Author notes
Author: Wanna Be
Title Chosen: Earth Falling
After writing this I suppose all I can say is, Happy Earth Day everyone!(?)
A contest entry
- My Faves Only... Rounds Contest!!!!!! by in-the-twilight.
600 points, ended April 29, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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very strong
great imagery
cataractic skies,,,,, wow
did not really get the "burning resolution" but loved the "parched" image
and the "pleuritic splendor" ending is amazing
alltogether a great inmensely depressing picture you paint in a very realistic way.
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this was one of the most amazing poems i've read on here. i loved all of the emotion and imagery. your word choice was amazing as well. i especially loved the second stanza. awesome job.
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I love this poem I could feel the emotion behind it, I thought it was a imagery poem where you tried to picture things in your mind, it made you think ..good job
Thepoeticone -
I like the comment below (ish tar). Also, the peppered alliteration works well, as does the repetition of the opening line. Well-structured!
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I've read this poem so many times and I think I just came to understand it.
Which is why my reply has been prolonged, though many other, external, offline factors have kept me from saying something to this WONDERFUL piece of work.
At first I was so taken back by your imagery and word choice that I completely didn't understand what you were writing about. I just thought it was a pile of beautiful words and descriptions.
Now I see the metaphor you have weaved within those words. It's lovely, really, how you used the earth to describe personal chaos. It takes your theme to a whole different level. What is personal becomes universal; something everyone on this EARTH can share.
As always, a pleasure to read!
-Reni
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Pouring from cataract skies,
blind to your storming retribution,
clouds slaver hungrily on the moist earth below
and desiccate over dust-filled deserts.
Parched by your burning resolution,
barren lands bask longingly in the darkened nighttide.
Whispers fall in a twilight rain,
collapse to conceal all form,
and abandon the condescending celestial sphere.
Pouring from cataract skies,
eyes of heaven bleed acidic tears
and burn away grass like flesh and bones.
This migraine bereaves me,
migrating south of a disdainful heart.
Beneath the border of physical being
pain slashes through my chest once more.
Inhale the knife into my lungs
and drown in pleuritic splendor.
As whispers fall in a twilight rain.
i could not find a certain part i liked.... so.... i selected it all.. ITS ALL FANTASIC!
well done poet..xo
good luck with ur contest -
Nicely done...I love the format...the mention of migraines I could relate too...well done, thanks for sharing
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The first verse of this write could almost be a stand alone. Great opening! Good luck in the comp
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This is amazing... definately full of great word choice and amazing flow. Thanks for entering my contest... I wish you luck! Rock on! oxox Meg
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Outstanding
Merry meet,
such incredible word and imagry usage. You manage to convey such a depth of feeling and emotion in a fairly short piece. I don't see where I could offer anything to change or any weak points really. It is a very strong work. I wish you luck in tyour contest with this.
Amythest
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I have to say that you took my two very favorite substances when it comes to writing (imagery and metaphor) and reminded me just why I like them so much and why I'm so extremely drawn to them in the first place. I actually think this is one of your best writes when it comes to using those two tools. You gave so much within a small amount of space that I made sure to read through this a few times so I could catch it all. It's something that brings across more and more within each read. It's a dynamic picture...or perhaps I should say, it's a dynamic scene. It's kind of like a walk in the woods: No matter how carefully and/or slowly you walk the land trying to take in the whole atmosphere, you'll never see everything in just the one visit. You have to go back to have full appreciation of it, and each time you go back to the same area, you'll end up spotting something you didn't take notice of before.
It's kind of amusing to me as I point out that my favorite lines in this piece are the ones you repeated. Something about those lines really grabbed me when I first read them, and then they had the same effect when I ran across them again later on in the write. The repetition of those brought about a good balance for the piece all in all...the scene was already familiar, but it built upon itself as well as upon the imagination of the reader.
An excellent piece of writing to return with after the time off! Yet I have to say this: Though your celebration of Earth Day was quite different from how mine was, I enjoyed reading about yours all the same! Each to their own, right?
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