garden salad
growing in the hot
summer sun
rain drops drizzle dressing
lightly garnishing the greens
A contest entry
- Five lines - Amaze me... by Lavender Butterfly.
390 points, ended April 22, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Seven or fewer lines!! by Trueheartforlife.
355 points, ended May 20, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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guess what : I am an absolute haiku- and tanka-idiot ...
I mean, I just cannot reduce my thoughts creatively to so few syllables without becoming frustrated ...
well, not really : when I decide to do it, I feel very peaceful, all the unnecessary chatter ceases in my mind ...
but creating a tanka with such beautiful imagery as you have just done here, seems an unattainable goal for me ...
I am hungry now ...
some salad, please ...
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I want a salad with italian dressing Now! lol
Yep. Did it for me..
Rhythm was just as delicious as the wording..
rain drops drizzle dressing
lightly garnishing
Veeeery nice turn of phrase
Now where's that salad? hmmmmm
I guess the imagery worked
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this is wonderful, the imagery is so great within this short form, you seem to have such a grasp on these, Haiku, Tanka and I have learned you, yet still cannot grasp anywhere near what you have here, it is so vivid and comes to life as one reads it. Love the rain drops drizzling the dressing!
All the best,
m.
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Liked those last two lines as they really serve up this salad with a lot of pizzazz/ Cute tanka - nice visuals.
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excellent stuff.
this is seriously impressive sheltered, perfectly written with great imagery, i love it, can't believe it never even placed!
Alex.
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i feel like a salad sandwich now, i will have to go and find some mayonaise! a good piece of poetry.
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I'm amazed.
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Splendid imagery and so uniquely divine... x Thanks for sharing. Love and light, Butterfly.
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*pulling up a chair*
What a yummy tanka! You have such a nice set of images, and I wished my garden will look this good in a few months! Good luck in the contest!
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