Roll a mountain towards you,
precipitate from the vain clouds,
shift your office in a swing,
and then escape.
Let your desire grow,
find the desert in you
that has seen no rain,
precipitate from the vain clouds
and examine the failures
before a mirror in pitch dark.
A contest entry
- written for the gist of love by sidewinder.
1400 points, ends December 18, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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The ending ...
reminds me of the blind Judge in "Alice's Restaurant". This is remarkably whimsical. It's also rather insightful. Human nature is far more given to examining its faults in the dark, and thus not being able to see them at all.
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perfection in Poetry!
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Interesting..
it reads like a selection of maxims...
I can't help but think of 'the mountain won't come to you' 'make your own destiny' ...and all such similar ones ( there are so many versions of it ) ...basically to simplify it, what I get from that first line is 'have faith' ..
the second line isn't as easy
come down from the clouds.. ( quit dreaming? be realistic? ) .. there's a few different things ..I see there.. but those two examples crystalize it for me..
I get a sense of be adaptable, be in motion, and perhaps .. just be, from the rest of the first stanza
And perhaps that's why it seems like maxims.
The second stanza... appears to be a mirror of the first.. Be passionate, dream -- along those lines essentially.. almost like a opposition between what might be considered practicality and frivolity..
And the end.. leaves me with an image of all of us, looking into that mirror, whether it's the one on the wall or the one that stares back at us from space..
the strongest ...suggestion being ..reflect.
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This appears to grab from many messages and is too short to do it justice leaving it inconclusive for interpitation. The title is weak for the stregnth of the content.
~*Starr*~ xxx -
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Good observations, can you elaborate?
D
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This a great poem. I'm a confused as to what it's about but all in all it really good. I love how you describe the clouds as vain. it's a really good poem. keep writing.
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Have done this
When one reviews ones soul it makes them humble for the abscence of a half empty basket when it should be ful -
lol, i wish i could
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