what does it matter
if i live or die
if my life was over
in the blink of an eye
would the world as we know it
then come to an end
at the death of a girl
with out many friends
would the words that i've said
be more touching or true
if from this ratrace
i suddenly withdrew
if i stopped pretending
about how i feel
and introduced to my throat
the sharp edges of steel
would anyone notice?
would anyone care?
as they laid me to rest
would anyone there
say that they loved me
and be honesly touched
if i lived or died
would it matter that much?
Author notes
i used choice one...it didn't come out exactly like i meant to..but what the heck i'll submit it anyway.
Written July 19th, 2003
A contest entry
- Death, write a structured poem about death by nukerliu.
325 points, ended July 29, 2003, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Wow, amazing. I love the flow of this poem and I've thought that so many times it's unbelievable. I'm sure everyone has at one point or another. It's seems like we have similar styles. Keep it up.
-
i say, as rant, this is excellent but as a poem, i think this should use some work.
First of all, capitalization and punctation can be improved.
A poem should trascend the notion of words -- but this merely stuck too it
you have a very promising theme, and there is much room for improvement. -
I care
lalakins
Yes, there is only one you so you are priceless. I would care and it is good to know in advance so I can pray this person has MANY friends and a blessed life that doesn't feel like a rat race any more. I am honestly touched. Funeral cancelled in favor of life.
Godspeed and best wishes 24/7 from your somewhat poetic cyber friend (((HUGS)))
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