It is a small thing, to break down
in your own fish-tank
the angular curves shrink you
to a life-size reflection
(and it’s hard to make out
what you’re saying anyway)
black is no more a colour in there
than water; which is supposed
to be transparent, but isn’t.
There is the usual fish
that floats at the top, eyes as
gaping as they always were,
so he can’t see me; opening
figures of eight in the sand
and terrible voodoo bruises
on the bellies
of plastic foliage that never dies
and all along,
I thought I was living too-
despite the pins in the under-side
and black mass laid for dinner.
I am anointed now, red flannel
covering my bloated iris; my tail
is draw-stringed and there are
witches on the water, waiting
to drown. I came undone
as they pulled back the cords,
and suddenly,
this is no longer a private dissection.
.
.
Author notes
One-line explanation for BlackWidow43: Not really about a fish, but a woman.. breaking down. The magic references- not only is that about the decomposition of her reality, but also how at this point she is marked for death and there is no going back. The final line- dissection- is the fight to seperate the human from the insanity.
Hope this is ok Lane and David~~
In a list
A contest entry
- VOODOO LOVE by Ariosto II..
1000 points, ended May 6, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Arggh, I can't stop reading your stuff. I've come back so far and I honestly can't think of a single poem that I didn't like. You have such a unique and fascinating style that I'm drawn to. Your use of metaphor is breathtaking. Please, never stop writing. You really do have a gift with it.
♣ Tegan
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dark magic in a fish tank
I can see it
I read a story long ago about a man being slowly and painfully turned into a shark.
This reminds me
thanks for entering!
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Ah metaphors are lovely when done right. I was really drawn to these lines:
"black is no more a colour in there
than water; which is supposed
to be transparent, but isn’t"
--it made me think, really. It made me stop. I kind of want to expand something from this but would never do the idea justice. ♥
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Beautiful.
You don't need [ at the top ] we rarely 'float' in the middle, and never at the bottom, so in a sense it is repeating something already stated.
I've missed your words as well
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Sorry, I don't understand lol..
Thankyou for stopping by.. xxx -
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oh .... smack me for not being clearer.. lol
what I meant was ..you don't really 'need 'at the top' after 'fish
that floats'
in: fish
that floats at the top, because the word 'float' implies it's not 'sinking' and if so then it's more than likely not in the middle or on the bottom either, which leaves it only one place to be.. and that is at the top ...
so.. by saying float, you've pretty much already implied at the top, at least enough to create the image withoug saying 'at the top' .. ..did that make any better sense?
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I didnt understand it but I did like it. good luck in the contest
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you know, the first time I read this, I kind of pictured that fish soup that still has the fish heads floating around. I don't like sea food so i don't know what it's called... but that is what I pictured. I'm not sure why because you didn't exactly elude to that image.
Then I saw my one line explanation. Yey. You make me feel so special Jess!!! :-) Hehe Lol. It makes me smile to read the interpretation. And then I go back to read it and it's almost completely different from what I read the first time. It's like I'm reading a different poem! [sometimes I feel like such an airhead... then I remember, oh yeah - duh...I AM an airhead LoL]
***
actually, i think maybe i wasn't paying attention when I read the first stanza, because the first two lines open it up to feeling like you are trapped within a fish-tank... it kind of makes it like your life is on display, humongous creatures are staring in, and you can't really see out.
the usual fish floating on top - is he dead? yes. I think he is. You only have to answer me that if I'm wrong. otherwise I will assume this was a moment where I am clear and not so airheady
hmmm, that dissection part, I had taken it to mean that everyone was seeing all of her....
buuut, i was wrong. hehe.
anywho, i like your meaning... i love your metaphors they make me look at words a little different.
i liked this and have nothing critical to say about it.
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Nah~~ no-one ever understands my poetry lol! It's on of it's flaws..
the dissection- that meant a lot of things to me. It says at the beginning that it is a small thing to break down in your own tank, but ehre.. the curtains are up, and she is broken and displayed publically like you think. but the fact it's a dissection, that is seperating two things.. as though maybe there is something left to salvage, but it leaves it open.. maybe there isn't.
I like giving the explanation, i think it makes my poems more accesible.
Yea.. you were right about the dead fish. -
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i think that what I like about your poetry is that it could be about so many things because it's full of metaphors. it makes so interesting to dissect the poem. :-) and you know, they say that artwork is usually to be interpreted however... so i think that makes you great :-) i don't think it is a flaw at all. when you are famous, they will have lectures on your poetry and it's depth :-) maybe in college, if you are a literature major, there will be a required class one day called -Dissecting the Metaphors: Contemporary Interpretations of ButterflyCuts- or something.
k, well i will stop writing now. i have to go finish a paper.... or rather, i have to START it... ugh...
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haha- yes that is the problem- it would take a whole day to actually understand my poems..
yes, I guess i just have to go get famous maybe i should die
Mmm.. I have to go paint.. ugg. I have my final deadline way too soon.. and my exam start on may 16th -
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LoL.... eh, I don't know. I think I'd rather be alive and known to few, then dead and known to many as the girl who died to be famous. LoL. Although, it kinda sounds cute... but it would die out in 15 minutes.
you have to be eccentric... cut your nose off and send it to someone [because the ear has already been done, and then you'd just be a copycat... LoL] -
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ouch!
LOL- yea.. no-one would notice if i died.. lol.
Hmm.. I will become a world-famous pyshologist, and people will read my poetry to gain insight into the meaning of life -
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lol - sounds more probable
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..it does?
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well, i guess that depends if you're plan is to become a psychologist. LoL. It kinda did to me. You could be like Dr. Phil. only better, and with hair... LoL. I don't even know what Dr. Phil talks about actually. I've never read his books or sat down to listen to his interviews. But my mom reads his books.... so he must be a pretty ok guy. maybe you'd be better.
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LOL- yea, I'm planning on being a psychologist.. child psychologist..
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i have always thought that to be a fish would be cool
open your mouth, and memories gone
the imagery and word use here are very good indeed, the plastic fronds of fake plants were particularly stark
this is an interesting deconsruction, and the dissected fish at the end, left the thought of a carefully eaten fish with the skeleton remaining,
this has a great deal contained within it - bookmarked for later perusal
well done
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Thankyou elaine.. yes, I come back to fish again and again in poetry~ which is strange as they are so inanimate
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arrgh amazing
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Arw thanks hun..
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Wow this was really powerful.
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reallly realllly like this piece, it's really unusual and breaks all form of cliches, the opening was brilliant, really hooked me in (no pun intedned!) to read the rest of it,
It is a small thing, to break down
in your own fish-tank
lovee
xxxx
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