'Imagine,'
I barely leveled my voice,
'an angry man's fist, in the bathroom mirror.'
This is how I answered his question, of what my personality is like.
Not whole,
but I can't see myself either.
A contest entry
- dialogue by zillion.
600 points, ended June 29, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Now this was brilliantly done... I applaud you, dear poet... Wow...
'Not whole,
but I can't see myself either.'
Congrats on the trophy...
Keep penning with ink that never fade
Illusion
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Yea I can barely read it but I think it is intentional it adds to the mood. Wow creepy. Not sure I understand it. Could you be a vampire? But no, wait, you can see someone in the mirror. Is this psycosis? Intriguing, I enjoyed this it made me think!!
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the font is not very well visible on the backgrond , have you done that intentionally?
or maybe its due to the pc that i am sittin on
anyway, what you have here is a beautiful poem, short and to the point
very well written
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have you ever Fight Club? If you haven't, then you should. This poem reminded me of the book. Which is a good thing.
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hmmm... this was oddly short for your scare writings lately.
so your personality is not whole. but you can't see yourself either.... so then it might be whole, and you just don't know it?
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If ever there was a girl with a poets soul, It was you.Was this a therapist you were speaking to? What response could be adequit after a statement like that?.
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bah i read this too much like you wrote a book and not a tiny poem.
my boyfriend put a hole in my bedroom wall when he was still here. danger is what puts us above everything.
-H. -
Interesting.
I can appreciate this piece very much due to my own personality, which happens to be very reflective, and is constantly in a state of introspection and selfinduced evolution. I enjoyed the imagery, simple yet efficient, eloquent. Great rhythm and flow. Awesome write. -
Interesting. I think you really could have gone alot farther with the concept of this poem, because at the end I felt like it was a cliff hanger...I scrolled down expecting more. Maybe later on you can do a part 2?
I also really liked the way you layed the poem out. Well done over all.
Love Linzi -
Woh
I am probably more in shock than anything else when I read this at first, just didn't expect it, very provocative and yet again a great example of setting a scene in so few words. I can vividly imagine the scene. I thought this was excellent, good luck in the contest
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How deep can you go? Very reflective, self expressing and so filled with pain. Says so much about how you feel about and see yourself. Very creative.
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such a thought provocaing poem. beautiful work. really good and lovely. i glad i read it. interesting but...i'm confused :\ good luck in the contest
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good to see something new.
this is very interesting. and thats all i can say about it. i cant pull together a comment. sorry.
good luck in the contest.
blu -
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This is subtle and very nicely structured, which I like... I hesitate to say that I'd like more of it, because I'm not sure whether this sort of structure could lend itself to any more length (only 1-4 lines added, nothing major)...I think it's like eating chocolate though, a small amount is heaven, but too much and you'll be sick.
This is a refreshing change.
Thank you for entering. -
Ouch.. wow, this is completely perfect.
Most people, would take this image on one level, but maybe the reason you are so good is that you take every angle of it, and complete it.
The fact that it's a mans fist- well, I don't know anything about except from your writing, but I can guess at.. your relationship with the male race. . so the fact that it is a man, well it's almost an explanation for why it is anger, and why it is all so broken irreversibly.
The 'barely lowered voice'- I liked that, you image this being read at a whisper, but in fact it is colder than this. I've seen you write about losing your heart, and being cold.. and I guess I re-read that in this tone. I don't think you're cold, and i do think you have a heart, but as a speaker in the poem.. there is something very scary about the almost indifference that reading it in a normal voice can create.
It's nice how you write the question after the answer- the question is not important, and you leave the image to fester before explaining it.
The ending ties the knot really...
despite how short it is, it's full of so much that I think this might avtually be one of my favourites of yours..
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