My pristine wrists
My dead soul
Represent what they want of me
Perfection
To see my reflection
Is like looking into the sun
I can’t see anything but that I’m not
Perfection
Longing to put blade to skin
To let the blood flow
But that wouldn’t be
Perfection
When will it end
The pain and fear
The pressure to be
Perfection
Resisting purging
Fighting the urge
Because that wouldn’t be
Perfection
I won’t cry
Can’t let them see
How much I hate being
Perfection
Wrapped in pink
It’s worse than you think
Pretending to be
Perfection
Battling the urge
To drink until I drown
For that wouldn’t be
Perfection
Sounds of Screaming
Echo in my head
Is this really
Perfection
Longing to be free
Fearing what they’ll say
When they learn I’m not
Perfection
Hearing they’re voices
You’ll never be anything
If you’re not
Perfection
How can they look at me
Look and not see
I can’t be
Perfection
I wear this mask
To hide the tears
Over not being
Perfection
Author notes
hey guys I know I havent written in a while--please give me your thoughts
- The Commenting Community group list • next in list
A contest entry
- We're all Just [[Cowa.rd|s|]] Hiding From xR{e}{a}{l}{i}{t}Yx by littlegirlapril.
700 points, ended May 15, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I liked the idea of you repeating the word "perfection" at the end of each stanza..but in this one.."To see my reflection
Is like looking into the sun
I can’t see anything but that I’m not
Perfection" It doesn't really make any sense. The word "perfect" works though. It flowed..okay, but it could flow better if you added some puctuation in there. Read it out loud and you should see where punctuation needs to go. "The pressure to be
Perfection" Once again, "perfection" doesn't work there, but "perfect" does. "How much I hate being
Perfection " "perfection" doesn't work in the way I read it because there is no punctuation. But if there was a period or something after "be". It could work. "When they learn I’m not
Perfection" "perfect" not "perfection" and that last three after that "perfection sounds weird and it sounds like it should be "perfect". but if you add some punctuation, it might work. I did enjoy reading this though. I can relate and I'm sure many other people can as well. You did a great job. Keep on writing.
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amazing
really good..i like this alot!
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A sinister write you have penned here.
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I love the repetition of perfection in this piece... it is what became the glue of the whole piece, just fabulous
Karen -
wow. this was actually pretty good. at first i wasn't too sure about the repetition, but then it really came together. i know what you mean too... i've been there and done that. this had a great rhyme to it too. but hey, perfection is a flaw in itself. like that means much to you, but just keep it in mind.
good luck chickk,
amanda♥♥ -
This looks like a dirty/pretty poem, its so true. We strive for perfection when perfection is impossible, There is no such thing. Great job on this.
jan
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thank you! you seem to really geat what i was trying to get acrrosed
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Perfection is a terrible thing to strive for and you explain it so well in this piece. All these things you describe are the cold truth of so many of us today, always looking for perfection. Great work!
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Commented on this before you added it to this reading list, so will just leave it at that.
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"I can’ anything but that I’m not"
^ ?
I like the repetition, but I think some punctuation could help this. My favorite part was the "wrapped in pink." Very very neat.
Keep writing.
Can you return the favor on this? http://allpoetry.com/poem/2898136
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thanx! yeah i missd typed lol!
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Me loves it.
Ignore Whitemaiden... she doesn't what she's talking about.
As for the unoriginal part, I guess she wants you to try being happy about feeling like sh*t. What a dumb*ss. Haha.
I love this... I can totally relate. It makes me sad though.
Love ya girlie!
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Thanx hon!!!! thats alright "normal" dont understand and think that just b/c allot of ppl feel lik,e this it's not original and if she knew the defintion of "prestine" she'd get it but obviously 2 sylable words are 2 big
-love
Laura
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So, first thing first. I loved the title it was a good lead for the rest of the poem. I'm not to fond of the very first line though.
"My pristine wrists"
It seems like it's missing something. I don't feel in all honesty that pristine was the right word to use there, but that's just my opinion.
It definitely feels like a personal poem, and I think a lot of people will be able to connect to the story.
It's got to be hard to feel like this so much. This poem made me really think about that. I could feel a lot of emotion from this, but it didn't feel original. I mean it had the personal feelings, but the way it was written is how a lot of these poems sound, including some of the ones I've written. Don't make it sound perfect. Make it your own. It's like people are to busy trying to find the perfect words to make sound right. To make it sound amazing, that people forget to just write it out what's in them, and THAT'S when it will blow people away. Once again just what I think. Well done and keep writing.
~Whitemaiden
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Very good and emotional
Trying to hide flaws under all that
Just to meet others standards,
Just beautiful.
Good luck and thank you for entering.
[[ZombiNa]] ♥ -
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Thanx!
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A dark write, and I think everyone's felt this way before.
A lot of emotion runs deep within your words.
I hope that this was a good release for you.
Well done on this.
Keep it up.
~Miraculous~ -
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thanx yeah--writting keeps me from cutting or doing something else ill regret
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Any time one has not written for a while, that first poem is a good one, as their muse returns, and writer's block has left. This is the start, so now you are on a roll - keep writing, don't stop. Liked the brevity of the lines, the flow. Such a sad write though.
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thanx soo much!
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