I. childish games
sagging in the mirror
are the lines that lie
in contempt
(of a childish heart)
the scars stretching...
on the inside
and living on the outside
my eyes, but a grid now
in search of youth
running around trees,
that finally caught up
to the bark of me-
peeled and stripped
clean
against the white walls
of time
they feed me nothing
but shadows of the veil
II. mirror image
strands of silver seep
in my swollen eyes
my empty hands
tell the time
(of reflection)
dulling decades deliver
the final blow
of the breaking branches
that i underestimated
in the flesh of my bones
i close my eyes
with the crying child
and the face of effigy calls...
the thin skin
in the glass' stare
III. separate the two
through the narrow path
of a past
the deep hole
resides
in the pit of me
and darkened thickets
bend notes
in my song of life
and blue meadows
are meek
once again
the blind man rows backwards
in the glassy pool
on a twist in the wind
and a whim
A contest entry
- A piece of You by Melissa Gayle.
1300 points, ended May 6, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Wow. This is excellent Mud.
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Excellent
This is my favorite work i've read by you so far.
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Oh yes. This is good. Beyond good, really. A winner, I'm sure.
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Exquisite...as usual.
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I like the way the sense of blindness or not "seeing" somehow carried its way through all three sections.
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"and darkened thickets
bend notes
in my song of life
and blue meadows
are meek
once again"
Ahhh, you're still just a puppy, my Friend...
What a fabulously dark, stark, pensive piece this is, dear Scribe...So many vivid images within...I loved "the bark of me"...You're a sequoia, Sweetness...no wild winds will ever topple you...Classic & timeless, no matter what the calendar may say...we all know it & the mirror are liars, anyway...
Grand penning, my Friend...Good luck in Melissa's contest...We'll all still love ya when you're stooped over & bald... 
Wanda
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Very Good
I liked the imagery quite a bit. It definitely felt like you were developing a lot, and each section felt evolved from the one before it. Good job. -
outstanding
looking at stages of a life i think is significant step; accepting who we are without our comforting illusions:
dulling decades deliver
the final blow
of the breaking branches
that i underestimated
in the flesh of my bones
I think the key is acceptance without surrender and that is what i take from this writing... very thoughtful and thought provoking...PK
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