Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Consumed By Halves

Missing image

Photo by ea 

 

 

Forever linked in shades of gray
no black, no white, no night or day.
Consumed by halves, then wait and pray
we stay this way, we stay this way.

Will evil win out in the end?
Will serpents’ grip further extend?
His skill is swift, to apprehend.
He is no friend, he is no friend.

And what of us, who wallow there?
Will we succumb to raw despair?
Or will we speak up and declare:
I choose to care, I choose to care!

There is no good without the bad,
no happiness without the sad,
no sanity without the mad.
For this be glad, for this be glad.

The choice is ours to live or die,
to lay in sin, or touch the sky.
One half may be cruel and sly...
Will you comply, or fight…defy.

Author notes

Form: Monotetra
Each stanza contains four lines in monorhyme. Each line is in tetrameter for a total of eight syllables. The last line contains two metrical feet, repeated.

Stanza Structure:
Line 1: 8 syllables; A1
Line 2: 8 syllables; A2
Line 3: 8 syllables; A3
Line 4: 4 syllables, repeated; A4, A4

From ShadowPoetry
http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/types.html

Syllables counted at WordsCount:
http://www.wordscount.info/hw/syllable.jsp

And yes...I took liberties with the last line.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 53 of 53

  • Beret55 silver member
    April 3
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this.. vwery good..


  • Ellis gold member
    November 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Boy, this is GREAT !

    Makes me think. There are a lot of important, valuable points made here. A JOY to read.


  • melphleg gold member
    April 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Impressive, most impressive. This does not look like an easy form to write. I'm sure I'd be hard pressed to pull it off. You did a good job. Congratulations on the gold.
    I'm not just impressed with the form, but I like what the poems says too.


  • michellemybelle gold member
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I know I have read this, but it is so amazing and true... there is no happiness without the sad
    I chose to care...
    I could quote it all.
    love the ending, it is so powerful.

    This is a very inspiring poem my dear friend, a well deserved gold!
    love and s
    Michelle


  • aboomer silver member
    February 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    First, congrats. on the well deserved Gold!
    I am glad you explained this form in your AN as I didn't know what it was - not that it mattered as this read so nicely anyways. I loved the flow of it and your wording.....full of depth and I liked what you said.
    VEry, WELL DONE!!


  • infactuated love
    May 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this poem, you really deserved to win the contest. The emotion is so.....great in this poem.
    Hope you continue to write great poems like these
    -Matt


  • Dalaney gold member
    April 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Yes...I am in total and complete
    agreement...You DESERVE the gold
    for this fabulous piece of talent.
    I just looooove when I read good
    poetry Thank you!

    Love, Lane



  • blondone
    April 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United !!!

    Deep and powerful I love this writing the words flow with such an ease and the imagery is grand it's the last stanza for me that rings so strong thank goodness we do have choices....Congrads on the Gold well deserved ... so well written you are so talented


  • LittleAnn
    April 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    BANDITS UNITED !!

    When reading this, I thought: Wow, this has an excellent syllable count... lol, then I saw it's part of the poetry form
    I just love this and I can see why you won gold here...
    Also, I think this is a great way to interpret the picture...
    Keep up the fantastic work!
    Annie


  • paperparadox silver member
    April 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!

    I was first introduced to the Monotetra by reading WelshDragon's work and he got me hooked from the first.

    You've done an excellent job here ~ you have the rhythm, the rhyme, the flow...and you have given the picture some serious thought and come up with a plausible and very appropriate piece to go with it.

    Definitely worthy of the Gold Trophy ~ well done!


  • -LilacThOughts- gold member
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!

    A wonderful Momotetra, I adore this form you have used this form and given it extra meaning, I love the word play...not only the words but the images you so beautifully bring forth...

    I found the syllable count incorrect on 1st line of last stanza...[our] this word is one syllable...I read your notes to Frodofan on this, and I have to disagree with the site you used to count syllables...the only site I would take as correct is http://dictionary.reference.com/ it will show the word you searched, as split up into the syllables if there are any...[our] in ditionary.com shows up as a one syllable word...

    Apart from that, I think this poem is masterfully written, engaging, strong and such a delightful read, may your pen never stop writing

    Congratulations on the gold trophy, well deserved...
    ~Lilac


    • trista gold member
      April 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Hi Lilac,

      I finally had a chance to check out the link you provided. It's strange because Rhymezone.com also counts "our" as 2 syllables. At Mirriam-Webster there are 2 pronunciations of the word though, which might explain why some count it as 1, and others 2. The first pronunciation is "ar" the second it "au-r". Now how confusing is that? In any case, I like the line better if I can add an extra word in there, so I'm going with 1 syllable.

      Thanks so much for the great comment, I really appreciate it and the applauds.

      ~J.


  • Twinstar
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!!! Bandits united!!!

    This is wonderful! Excellent piece! Polarities, what one has the other lacks, so in turn they compliment eachother. Very well crafted and smooth flow. A well deserved Gold on this! Sorry I was so late in commenting on your spotlighted poem today, I worked late. This is great!
    Love & Light
    Debbera


  • Lady-Pegasus
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED !! *grin*

    (sorry this is late, hehe) I love monotetras! This one is well done and very powerful message it holds as well! I love the yin yang concept that you ahve portrayed well in this a concept i have in my own pholasophical write, but anyhoo... Well deserved gold! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *


  • EyeRaven
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United

    I find it elegant with a neat syllable count, and a very close issue to my mind and mood right now.

    I couldn't stop the feeling I got as I read that this would make a perfect song if added in a chorus or a bridge or whatever !!

    It was very worthy and a very fine piece indeed, this is my favourite kind of mood and favorite kind of penning, being human we shoudl know that mankind is a mixture of all things.

    The choice is ours ~ live or die,
    to lay in sin, or touch the sky.
    One half may be cruel and sly...
    Will you comply, or fight…defy.

    Indeed very complying and impressing..

    A very very very nice well done piece, it raised the feelings in me, for that I applaud your fine work.

    RD.


  • JohnnyD gold member
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United and fishing!

    This was a really nice write on the subject matter, nice flow and tone and questions as of oneself and others. Introspective and retrospective



    JD & DK


  • IridescentRose
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!

    A GREAT poem, and a trophy well deserved. Congrats on that, by the way. I've never heard of monotetra but you seem to have done a great job with the syllables, and the rhyming is great. I also love how it corresponds with the picture... Aw who am I kidding, I love the whole thing! Keep it up!


  • earthstar
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    bandits united

    Forever linked in shades of gray
    no black, no white, no night or day.
    Consumed by halves, then wait and pray
    we stay this way, we stay this way.
    I really like your intro it pulls in the reader to see what is going to come next. I have not learn how to write syllables poems. I do admire them. They seem to take a great deal of more work then free write. Very wonderfully done with a creative flair.


  • OnlyInMyDreams
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a great poem Trista, very enjoyable, and I loved the picture that you put along with it. and you did a great job with the rhymeing scheme, you used words that helped the poem flow very well. and Congrats on the Gold Trophy Win, you deserved it! keep on writing!

    God Bless and BANDITS UNITED!!!!!!!!!!!!

    XOXO<
    OnlyInMyDreams


  • Desire gold member
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!!

    Powerful piece penned my Friend and what images You have shown here...
    Love the form, I have not tried that one yet~
    it flowed so Beautifully!!
    Congratulations on Your trophy win
    Well done
    Thank You for sharing Your Talent!

    Many blessings to You!
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • pixxiepoetess
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!!

    You definitely used this form to your advantage. You penned a strong, resonant piece, and the repetition fits perfectly here. That gold trophy was definitely earned, even if you did take liberties with the last line Congratulations on the win. >pixxie<


  • Frodofan silver member
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United

    This was great! Just a few lines seemed off.

    "Will serpents’ grip further extend? "
    ^ The "further" disrupted this line for me because the accent is on the first syllable of the word.

    "The choice is ours ~ live or die,"
    ^You're missing a syllable here. Why not exchange the "~" for a "to?"

    "One half may be cruel and sly..."
    ^You're missing a syllable here also. Why not something like, "one half is cruel the other sly?"

    Otherwise, this was so lovely and refreshing. I really enjoyed the form, rhyme, and also the repetition. Also, a very original subject matter. Very good job with this and congrats on the worthy gold!

    • trista gold member
      April 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Hi Frodo,

      Looking a little further into the syllable count of "our", I've found 2 pronunciations of it, with 1 or 2 syllables depending on how it's said. I like the line much better with the extra word in there, so I'm taking your suggestion and using it. Thanks so much again!

      ~J.

    • trista gold member
      April 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Hi Frodo,

      Thanks so much for the careful reading and awesome comment on my poem. I've started using an online syllable counter at WordsCount because there's so much difference in the way words are pronounced depending on where a person is from. To me, the words "our" and "cruel" would be one syllable, but according to the syllable counter, they're both two. It also counts words like "can't" and "don't" as two syllables. In the past I've used contractions to "sneak" an extra word in a line, thinking it'd only be one syllable, but I guess those days are over for me. There's a link to the WordsCount site below the poem if you're interested in checking it out.

      I'll do some thinking on the line with "further" in it. There are actually a couple of lines I'm not completely happy with yet, will probably be "tweaking" for a while until I get it "just right".

      Thanks so much again. I really appreciate it when someone takes the time and effort to truly critique a poem.

      Best wishes,
      ~J.


  • animated lies
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United

    Oh, just beautiful. I loved the rhyme scheme and it was most effective for this poem. The story you have told through your amazing meter and rhyme is just great. Thank YOU for sharing on AP.


  • My Solitude
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED

    Wow... Congratulations on the Gold! U deserve it. Such great masterpiece... M almost speeechless. I seriously don't need to say much more... The poem speaks for itself. Its great.
    Love, Bob.


  • Viva La Vie Boheme
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!!!

    Wow this is absolutely amazing!!!!! I've never seen this form before, but I love it! You chose all the right words and put them all in the right places, and there's nothing in this that I disliked!


  • ShelleyA gold member
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!

    A beautiful write. I love this form. Excellent rhyme. Well thought out. Very good flow, rhyme and tone. Very good depth of feeling. Good word choice. Nice alliteration and assonance. Excellent closing stanza. A well crafted piece. Congratulations on winning Gold. Well deserved.


  • Endeavor gold member
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United

    The choice is ours ~ live or die,
    to lay in sin, or touch the sky.
    One half may be cruel and sly...
    Will you comply, or fight…defy.

    In this end, You bound it all together
    This is a Gold, my lovely AP Wife

    Rick


  • ronnica
    April 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Bandits United,
    Elegance and creative piece of poetry, w
    congrats on the gold,


  • catz Moderators member
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED !!

    We always have choices, and you've done a great job here of addressing that so poetically. This is a very well written piece, the form bordering on perfect and I love the little deviation of the last line It really does add that little personal touch.

    Congratulations on the gold trophy for this superb poem

    Dee


  • Lauren Noir
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandtis UNITED!

    Great form, and difficult to use
    You used it brilliantly
    This is SUCH and interesting picture and the poem you created around it was fantastic!
    A lot of thought and care went into to, making it such a successs in the contest and a JOY to read

    You covered all worlds of dark, light, good and evil
    Impressive

    Well done


  • Rita Krocha
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Bandits United!

    Wow! This is Brilliant!
    Can see why there is a Gold Trophy shinning up there!
    So well done
    Itz a nice pleasure reading through!
    Amazing!


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!

    Wonderful write with excellent form. Loved the flow and dark to light of good and evil. great write froms tart to finish hugs, Bunny


  • grannyeri gold member
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Forgot to add these to the BANDITS UNITED spotlight by The Poetic Bandits. This is your day. Enjoy...

  • grannyeri gold member
    April 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Do like these forms and this is a great one a gold winner for sure. Liked the picture and the great write. A little deviation on that last line - not true to form there, but seems the judge was not too overly concerned. Congratulations.

    • trista gold member
      April 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Hi grannyeri,

      Thanks so much for your comment. And yes, as I said in the author notes, I took liberties with that last line. Sometimes it is just a little too tempting to make a poem truly "mine" by bending the rules a tad bit.

      Best wishes,
      ~J.


  • MargaretG
    April 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    The metaphoric view of this stonecarving is terrific, trista. The clash of dark and light, good and evil, and our choice to side with one or the other plays out in the shape of man and serpent, forever unresolved. Your monotetra form is perfect for this idea. Congratulations on the gold, well deserved.


  • bethan-gaze
    April 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely outstanding! Your monotetra is a thousand million times better than mine - clever you! Congrats on the well deserved gold trophy ... x

  • ea silver member
    April 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I just loved this piece. I think it's really classic in its theme and its style of delivery. I confess that I was not familiar with this form and though I probably have run into it before on AP (in fact, it's coming back to me as I write this that I have) this is the first time I was compelled to look into it further, perhaps because you did bend the rules a bit in that last line which gives it a special umpf. So thanks for that and for your generosity in letting me include this in my little walking tour pamphlet of my German town. She's been sunning there for many a year, (since 1743) yet no one seems to know much about her and this will make a remarkable addition!

    • trista gold member
      April 24, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      ea,

      Thank you so much... There really is something special about her, something compelling and complex, that appealed to me greatly. As I think I've told you before, I seldom write picture inspired poetry but this one simply pulled at me from many directions.

      Truly, I'm honored to have this included in your pamphlet and hope it is enjoyed by many.

      Much love,
      ~J.


  • PoetryDove
    April 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is so lovely, I absolutely think this is written well. You definately state it the right way, you cannot have good without the bad, or happy without sad...etc. It is very good. My favorite parts are:

    "Forever linked in shades of gray
    no black, no white, no night or day.
    Consumed by halves, then wait and pray
    we stay this way, we stay this way."

    and this....

    "There is no good without the bad,
    no happiness without the sad,
    no sanity without the mad.
    For this be glad, for this be glad"

    What a good way to write this poem, it speaks truth
    I can't correct anything, there are no flaws...you write great!

    Much love and good luck in the contest!!!!
    ~Poetrydove~


  • R S Adams Jr silver member
    April 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    opposites

    I like the idea that we need out opposites to know where we are and that we exist in shades of grey.

    I like the form, which is challenging and you have written it well.


  • Tangled Angle
    April 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You can write anything.
    ~I think this was nice, it had a good flow. I'm not an expert at rhyme, but I enjoyed it.


  • debilynn gold member
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i can't say i like one part better than the rest. i love the whole thing! i bow to your expertise here. i will not even attempt to write something this difficult and grand! you did a superb job. thank you for sharing this! keep writying. God bless you always

  • Endeavor gold member
    April 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Very Good

    The choice is ours ~ live or die,
    to lay in sin, or touch the sky.
    One half may be cruel and sly...
    Will you comply, or fight…defy

    Nice ending

    Rick


  • Peteskid gold member
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    a difficult form factor here

    but this writer is able to bring a strong narration and a degree of expression that makes the form less noticeable- more like poetic emphasis. Very skillful choices of words, with end rhyming that maintains meaning; so very well done here...PK

  • Aurora Ceres
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant

    Cleverly written, words fitting form.....I really found myself saying aloud, "Defy!". The message is so deep, very true to what civilization needs to ponder....I left feeling inspired. Cleverly penned!


  • Lily 11 1317
    April 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very deep poem I loved it

  • pruedence
    April 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Well written, with good meaning behind your words, "There is no good without the bad, no happiness without the sad, no sanity without the mad, for this be glad, for this be glad," I like this verse the best...good thoughts within this poem, thanks for sharing

  • Lady-Pegasus
    April 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I love this form and you have utilized it well in here. Very yin yang feeling and a belief i hold to, that nothing exists, or, existing, is not noticeable, without it's opposite.Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *


  • Trueheartforlife
    April 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Pretty good

    This was a very good piece. My favorite part was:

    There is no good without the bad,
    no happiness without the sad,
    no sanity without the mad.
    For this be glad, for this be glad.

    The rhyming was simple but intriguing. Great job and best of luck in your writing future.

  • dreamcusp
    April 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    for me, the title was the hook in a very interesting story. good luck in the contest.

1 - 53 of 53