When the suffering begins
And you're hollow within
You begin this supposition
And then it falls to pieces
When the frailties exceed
The complements in need
You feel the need to fall
And you lead on without any followers
Flailing forever within yourself
With no need of any other lover
But when she falls apart
You can feel it in your heart
And when she dries her eyes
The crimson drips down her face
Now my false impression's begun
Our fears have become one
Reality falling into chaos
And her heart begins to bleed itself dry
Forever in need of someone we've seen
Visiting the places we've never been
Looking for the one we left behind
And fainting sound, now we're blind
But when she falls apart
You can feel it in your heart
And when she dries her eyes
The crimson drips down her face
Restitution for lost compositions
Regal leaders begining personal crusades
Our insufficient options exclude failure
But from liberty comes a sense of malice
Prevalence of the despairing within
Disassociation from the berating without
The insurgence of the heart begins
She's losing herself within thoughts of doubt
But when she falls apart
You can feel it in your heart
And when she dries her eyes
The crimson drips down her face
Prying eyes of wretched souls entering though the bedroom windows
Erring drians not your sorrow and you feel her in your afflictions
Just remember when it's over
You led her to these crimson tears
And when she falls apart
And you can feel it in your heart
And when she dries her eyes
And the crimson drips down her face
Just remember that you led her to these crimson tears
You led her to these crimson tears
The pain you put her through
Led her to these crimson tears
Author notes
I tried to increase my vocabulary for this one...
I hope it didn't ruin it.
A contest entry
- Rock Out by the anonymous poet.
350 points, ended May 13, 2007, 24 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Gold" this time by Virgoan.
550 points, ended June 6, 2007, 56 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn that silver into gold pt 3 by whispernthedark.
400 points, ended February 17, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Wonderful write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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Prevalence of the despairing within
Disassociation from the berating without
The insurgence of the heart begins
She's losing herself within thoughts of doubt
has to be my favorite stanza. I feel like this all the time, great write!
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The vivid images are raw and powerful. I like the level of the words used and the contemporary touch into the point or the objective.
My favorite lines:
Prying eyes of wretched souls entering though the bedroom windows
Erring drians not your sorrow and you feel her in your afflictions
Just remember when it's over
You led her to these crimson tears
The substance is very good...well done fellow poet.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing my friend.
~VIRGOAN~ -
I liked this poem/set of lyrics because you were very descriptive. Each emotion seemed to have its own boundaries, and then you detailed how each interacted with another. Just be careful that the verses don't become over-congested with words and distract from the emotive meaning behind them. Thanks for the entry.
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I'm glad u steped out of your vocab and learned some more it paid off nice write
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Great lyrics! I enjoyrd this!
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