Thwarted at life,
Falling city streets,
A state of sanguinary,
Filling my eternal gap,
Scarred by newspaper cut-outs,
Societies of lasagne,
Speaking only a vapid language,
My pain captured,
A photograph leaking sepia tears.
Author notes
don't look at me like that you asked for it. haha. oh, i like this, although should anyone think otherwise please be honest and say so. also add why. please.
username= emeraldsoldier
and my words were,
1. city streets
2. sanguinary
3. eternal gap
4. newspaper cut-outs
5. lasagne
6. vapid
7. language
8. Thwarted
9. photograph
10. sepia
A contest entry
- inspiration 500 by DancingRed.
600 points, ended May 15, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Societies of Lasagne? Fantastic - what a great abstract line.
Liked this, I have a fondness for these pieces.
Slightly mad, they are a nice touch, this is good, good luck in the contest.
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haha, thank you for your comment. hehe the contest is closed but thank you never-the-less
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Very cool. Those words are ridiculous.
Best of luck.
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thank you, the words are (well some of them are, actually problly the only silly one i think would be lasagne, but thats only because i found it the most difficult to find a place for.)ridiculous yes, but that just makes the poem all the more of an achivment.
good luck to you as well. -
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No problem and thanks.
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ohhh wow you did a great job im sooo glad i didnt get the words lasagne lmao this is really good something certainly to be proud of well done and very best of luck to you xx
laura xxx -
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hehe, oh well make do with what you got. thaks so much and the best of luck to you to.
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Hey this is great. I'm fascinated that you've fitted all these words into so few lines. I'm still wondering how you did it!
'undeath' is an interesting choice of title - but my dictionary says it's not a word at all. Intended or not, I think I like it that way, actually.
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed.
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perhapes....just maybe, your dictionary is saying that it existes by removing it from the pages, thus eluding to the words meaning and essential existence. hehe anyhow im going to go and watch robin hood now.
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I love the line "societyies of lassagna" this speaks of how society is nothing but bland flat noodles using filler to build it self up and look good, how so few ever turn out worthy of cuisine elegance. I would have liked to seen this fleshed out and greater depth added but you know (lol) me. I like substance.;}
~*Starr*~ xxx -
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hehe, well im glad someone got what i meant by that line. i actually wanted to make this bigger but couldnt find a way to do it and not change the words from my list, which if i had would get me DQ'ed. the general consences seems to be that this peice is to short, so ill put aside some time to try and lenghten it. and then perhapes if i am ever so lucky, it may be "worthy of cuisine elegance". thanks very much for your time and comment.
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hmm, the lasagne didn't really fit... lol... but you did an awesome job with the words you were given. pretty cool contest, huh? good luck!
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lol, i know but saidly i had trouble fitting it in anywere else. thanks for the imput.
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Quite a word bank used here! Not an easy one, for sure. I think maybe you could have expanded the piece more for a better understanding to the reader. The flow is good and the imagery is well done.
~Lori
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thank you, ill think on what youv said.
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hahaha, wow. It seems so professional I really like this though I had to read it twice to feel the full effect. Your depth is extraordinary. Hold on, I will go read it again.
*reads*
Yeah, I do like this. It's easier to understand the second time around. I'm really glad you're active again with your poetry. I've missed reading the good stuff
Great job!!
~Kevan~
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yay. "professional" (says as he looks very smug and uses his hand to remove invsible dust from his shoulder.) lol
thanks kevan.
emeraldsoldier
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