serenity?

serenity, the feeling i long for the thing i rarely know...

serenity the forgotten feeling the one thing i thought i knew. . .  .

serenity. . . here now in this empty place on another sunny california day. . . . .im lonely and waiting wanting and fading distanced from what i want dream of and need what i wish could have surrendered like a thornless rose to me. . . .when in reality i am that rose. . .  . .thornless and waiting. . . . i am the rose open to it all . . .  .the numbness of the razor. . .  .the blood that runs cold like peddles wilting away like each bleeding rose. i am remembered and yet forgotten and torn. i am what once was. and now it is gone. . .call me what you want look to me when you need but numb are my feelings and all that i see. . .here now i go fading into the black longing for the serenity i wonder if ill ever get it back . . .goodbye to what was as i look back on my life and fumble on forward as if im hidden in the dark. . . serenity to some is nothing but a word but to me it means nothing then this long lasting world of wishes and dream and in this dark night i look for serenity