Taste hate
On my lips, and
Feel your pulse in my heart.
It beats as yours beats no more. Gone,
Frozen, reflecting winter's sleep alone.
Cast aside, broken and wasted--
A corpse caprice--surprise.
Now your screams sing
In me.
A contest entry
- Dark Rictameters by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended May 7, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - biggest contest in allpoetry history! (i hope) need 1,000 entries!! by Gasp.
1300 points, ended July 11, 2007, 638 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Form Contest - Rictameter by Aussie Gypsy.
750 points, ended August 21, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
My Lord ...
this is a dark write. It's a good poem, but boy does it leave an acrid taste in your mouth about love. The only thing I wonder about is that the title says love, but the poem only mentions hate.
Oh well, no matter. It's certainly a powerful write.
Whew.
-
This is a great piece, I usually prefer (as do most) to see the rictameter centered as the form looks so much better also usually the rictameter begins and ends with the same 2 syllable word. Well done on a great entry
Thank you for taking the time to enter this contest, I wish you the best of luck
Karen -
manic
and enchanring. smile
Judy
-
-
No offense taken at all.. thanks for your comment.
-
-
good demented imagery here...manic macabre spills intensity into a a morbid climax...very well done
-
You actually commented on a comment on this poem:
"It is a ricameter.. you have to... the syllable count for each line is also a requirement (2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2)." - I'm saddened to see that you know the form, but you did not follow it.
Taste - 1 syllable
Anger - 2 syllables
On my lips, and - 4 syllables
Feel your hate in my heart. - 6 syllables
It beats as yours beats no more. Gone, - 8 syllables
Frozen, reflecting winter's sleep alone. - 10 syllables
Cast aside, broken and wasted-- - 8 syllables
A corpse caprice--surprise. - 6 syllables
But still your screams - 4 syllables
Bid me - 2 syllables
Taste. - 1 syllables
In order for this to be a true rictameter, you would need to remove "Taste" at both the beginning and end, and then change your new final line of "bid me" to "anger." -
-
How right you are. I suppose it was just unnatural for me to start anywhere except 1. How bizzare that I overlooked that.
-
-
It struck me as so sad to be left knowing the one who had left hated so strongly...Clever form, very enjoyable
-
I like this poem, it has some strong emotive rhythem
going on here. A very clear and concise peice of pain.
The melody of this meloncholic peice is delightful,
it adds much depth and dimension to this poem,
well worth reading again and again!
-
Wow. Another amazing write. I loved the line "A corpse caprice--surprise." Great use of rhyme.
"Taste Anger
On my lips, and
Feel your hate in my heart." <--- Very well expressed.
I also thought it was very clever how you began and ended with the word "taste"
Well done.
-
-
It is a ricameter.. you have to... the syllable count for each line is also a requirement (2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2).
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
