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Emotional Battle

You win                     You lose
      the game, the fight, the battle
        and what did you accomplish?
Are you                           an anger
proud of         and a hatred
      those that fell from others hands
      and those with badges on their breasts
Are they Hero’s?                to be avenged
    in a world where there is no freedom
Love is strong                    Hate will
and will                            never
            overcome and conquer.

You win                                                   
  the game, the fight, the battle                   
  and what did you accomplish?                 
Are you proud of                                     
  those that fell from othres hands             
  and those with badges on their breast.     
Are they Hero’s?                                     
  in a world where there is no freedom     
Love is strong and will                           
  overcome and conquer.                             

                                              You lose
                    the game, the fight, the battle
                        and what did you accomplish?
                                  An anger and a hatred
                  those that fell from others hands
              and those with badges on their breast
                                          to be avenged
                in a world where this is no freedom
                                        Hate will never
                                overcome and conquer.

Author notes

I am unable to set this up as wanted. I hope this prints out okay, the antonym lines in the individual poems are supposed to be indented/outdented??!! Anyway, hope you make sense of it

A contest entry

Please critique

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Comments


  • Darc Raven
    April 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    nicely done. the flow is prefect.. the form, exactly as it should.
    good luck
    -Darc


  • IndividualEleven
    April 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    nicely done and the theme is excellent as well, one thing i noticed wasn't sure if was over looked, but on the lines

    An anger and a hatred
    those that fell from others hands

    was there spose to be "of" before "those that fell..."
    anyhow great job and good luck in the contest.


    • Poppin Poppy silver member
      April 22, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      THANK YOU!!!! I have been in a bit of a slump lately and this has picked me up... pretty well a first attempt, didn't have to rework like most of my pieces. Looking at those lines again, I see what you see, but then again I was looking at it as:
      An anger and a hatred.
      Those that fell from others hands
      and those with badges on their breasts
      to be avenged ....
      Punctuation which I should have put in the idividual poem???