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Painting A Picture With Blood

Frail fingers grasping at the temperature control,
In the shower stall,
[[Squeak of rusted metal]]
Icy water flowing over an anorexic body,
Washing away dried blood from
Last night’s high.
Numbing every last sense,
Sending them swirling down the drain,
With messes of worn-out thoughts,
And bloodstained memories.

Worn hands clinging to the railing on the stairs,
Each step closer to danger,
[[Wood creaks with each footstep]]
Dust swimming around cold toes,
Blending together the dead dreams,
And the existing nightmares.
Every noise heightening paranoia
Looking over shoulders after every corner
Conscience tugging back every scar,
Old blood spots on the sheets
Never washed out because
Nobody even knew about them.

Wired eyes looking in the mirror,
Staring at the psycho
Hearing voices not really there.
[[Mommy, Mommy, come look at the crazy person]]
Despising the scars behind the eyes,
Crushing any hope of surviving until tomorrow,
Lessons learned long ago fading away into
New ideas, and impossible plots,
Suddenly turning possible.
Pitch black pupils burning holes in the
Gaunt face of an insanely beautiful monster.

Sunken eyes observing the broken razor
That was hidden in the crack in the wall
With the love letters and suicide notes.
[[Screams echoing down the hall]]
Crusted blood scratched off the razor
Drifting down. down.. down...
To the peeling paint on the floor.
Each question slowly disappearing
With the repetitive movement of the blade,
Shedding away every single thing that went wrong,
Painting a picture with blood.

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♥
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(I don't think I will live tonight)

Author notes

For the Raven Contest:

2007RC081



I hope you like this
.D.a.r.l.i.n.g.


option #1..
how it feels to come to an end.

I'm ContagiousxAccident by the way..

A contest entry

Took me forever, but I'm proud of myself. haha.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    July 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A frightful ending... Very well written dp entry.
    Most wonderful and detail in thoughts and feelings. Very valuable. Love always and best wishes. x


  • AshliiAsphyxiation
    June 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Oh doll;;
    WOW
    i love this!
    Thank you oh-so-much for entering!!
    xoo

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    June 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is an amazing write xxx love it my favorite lines are:
    Every noise heightening paranoia
    Looking over shoulders after every corner
    Conscience tugging back every scar,
    Old blood spots on the sheets
    Never washed out because
    Nobody even knew about them.
    Thank you for your entry best wishes


  • arnica karuna
    June 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The poem is a bit long no doubt.. but not even once does it lose track of the basic feel of the work... The sounds and images in any poem are always welcome, but what you have created here is a lot more than that. It's more like a link between the character in the poem and the reader. The bracketted phrases I believe are not meant to be an essential part of the poem, just the background sounds and feel.. did you mean it to be so?
    The agony and horror was prevalent all through your poem and I am happy to Welcome you to the Raven Qualifier.
    My favorite part:
    "Sunken eyes observing the broken razor
    That was hidden in the crack in the wall
    With the love letters and suicide notes.
    [[Screams echoing down the hall]]"
    The lines about dried blood were so real that I could feel it all. Actually, i could feel every single thing you mentioned in your poem. A bit confusing.. but nevertheless.. a GREAT WRITE!


    Thanks for entering the Raven Qualifier and Good Luck!


  • Myth Of Twilight
    May 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was more beautiful than art and music more tastfull than than a midnight suacide best work ive ever seen on a poem of this type thank you thank you for joing and best of luck in my contest


  • kissjess
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I don't even know a verdict to put. I'm sitting here, at my computer, trying to figure out what words to type, having to re-type everything because my hands are shaking with this work of genius you call poetry. it flows so well! You can feel so much suspense of what is going to happen, yet you know how to foreshadow just enough information to make us want to read more. i love the third paragraph, and i simply adore how you used the 'beautiful monster', and i love
    'Icy water flowing over an anorexic body,
    Washing away dried blood from
    Last night’s high.
    Numbing every last sense,
    Sending them swirling down the drain,
    With messes of worn-out thoughts,
    And bloodstained memories.'
    I love it all! if i talk any longer, i'll end up quoting the whole poem. i am DEFINITELY putting this with my faves. i'll just say i love every paragraph. because i do. it's all too good to be true, yet it's true. it's impossible true. i love it. i just love it.


  • Wulfareika
    April 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!

    Firslty, thank you for entering my contest and following the rules! This piece was wonderful, full of power and imagery, and far from the "my bf left and i cut myself and it hurts" cliché, but still extremely dark. I loved this part;

    Crusted blood scratched off the razor
    Drifting down. down.. down...
    To the peeling paint on the floor.

    Perfect use of punctuation. It left suspension, but also knowledge of what was happening and what was going to happen.
    I loved it Good luck in the contest!


  • fallenangel671
    April 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    excellent poem darling i enjoyed it,
    good luck in the contest deary
    keep writing


    ~Ashley~<3


  • Beating gold member
    April 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "Sunken eyes observing the broken razor
    That was hidden in the crack in the wall
    With the love letters and suicide notes."
    I love that part. I like the poem. It's full of raw emotions and truth that a lot of people try to hide. The title is perfect, and the way you ended it was just amazing.
    "Shedding away every single thing that went wrong,
    Painting a picture with blood"


  • NeverRegretLove
    April 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this. but its scary. I LOVE YOU
    M.e.g.a.n


  • KeepingTime
    April 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thats really good. It really brought out hidden emotions.


  • DarkChildsKiss silver member
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I can see exactly why you are proud of yourself when it comes to this poem. I loved every line in it! It is brillant! You wrote this poem very very well. You did a fantastic job! Keep it up! Best wishes in the contest!

  • XweXareXbrokenX
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i really do love this sarah...like all you others! it makes me think of a mix between someone i know and carries from the book by stephen king lol...amazing work loves ...

    AnDrEa &hearts


  • crystallynnbradford
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    BRAVO!!!

    I enjoyed reading this piece very much...it is surrouneded by darkness and I really really love it. Take a bow darling, because this was very impressive. Thanks for entering.

1 - 14 of 14