Him:
Lightholes leave spent pins
in the masses you walk through,
Galaxy shaken and bruised,
this is what I remember about you -
you were a lover and a love,
a streetlight yellow haze
still pushing back the darkness
night after night, year after year
and the minutes, the minutes don't seem
to pause - why can't I turn it back
and say, No, no I don't want to speak to you at all;
why did I insist on answering the phone -
you've only ever brought me grief,
plastic and unreal through the miles
of wire and wire and wire and please
leave me alone, can't you see how much
I'm slowly falling apart?
Can't you see that you're killing me?
Her:
Sodden leaves weave into
a bedspread - you're lying broken
as a smashed pumpkin with shoes for feet
and a head that blends in too smoothly,
like stars masquerading as the city lights -
a beautiful fuck up, a pretty little girl
but believe me I'm not interested tonight,
I've got someone else
Author notes
So this is what it came to - you love him and I do too; but take a good look, and just guess. Guess who lost again. (I did, and I knew I would; I never could win against you.)
but this time, I really did want to win.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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wow. just wow.
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surrendering to fate is dangerous
this image burns bright enough to burn...
"you were a lover and a love,
a streetlight yellow haze
still pushing back the darkness"
i'm so sorry your pain is so beautiful...
if the darkness is your own its a deep rooted seed that no light can purge. i'll never trust my own darkness to another (again).
every time i read you work a little piece of my mind become more fertile (corrupt?) thank you as always for being an amazing author!
i wish you better luck in the future
peace
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"Sodden leaves weave into
a bedspread - you're lying broken"
why is it that we let ourselves fall victim to the lies? -
"plastic and unreal through the miles of wire and wire and wire" my favorite part. this made me really sad, but in a good way, i love it! the emotion and imagery show brilliantly!
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i liek the imagery you use, really emulates the sadness of the mental state. i feel the emotional strain in your words, and the repitition is nicely placed, kindof adds to the mention of time passing, holds the reader in the rythm of your thoughts in process. quite lovely.
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That was saddening, my dearest Teen. Very saddening indeed. Don't let it kill you
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very sad, especially the first part. i really loved these lines,
"night after night, year after year
and the minutes, the minutes don't seem
to pause - why can't I turn it back
and say, No, no I don't want to speak to you at all;
why did I insist on answering the phone -
you've only ever brought me grief,
plastic and unreal through the miles
of wire and wire and wire and please
leave me alone, can't you see how much
I'm slowly falling apart?
-these are powerful lines, very well written. have a nice day
*lys*
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'this is what I remember about you -
you were a lover and a love'
i thought that was beautiful.
I love you writing, seriously seriously love it. It makes me want to curl up and just fall in love with it, it's just so beautiful
Seems like a really personal piece, I'm a little confused, but that's just my little brain not functioning and 2 in the morning
<33
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"plastic and unreal through the miles
of wire and wire and wire and please
leave me alone, can't you see how much
I'm slowly falling apart?"
This reminds me of one of those incredibly passionate long-distance relationships. The more everyone around you tells you it's destined to fall apart, the tighter you grasp. And when it all finally does come crashing down, it's ten times as devastating as it would have been had it ended face to face, with no loose ends.
Those loose ends are the worst. Never quite justified, never quite ended. The questions never really stop. Even when distance isn't the problem (which I'm assuming it's not.. or at least there's a lot more to it in this case).
Life these days seems to play out in still frames; almost fragmented in a way. I don't know if that makes any sense, but to me it's a perfect description. Sometimes it all seems so much like a book being written that I can almost see the way it's all going to unfold. Your poetry makes me feel it even more.
Just keep at it. Life has a funny way of turning around for the better just when we least expect it.
Sorry for not making any sense, once again.
Mada
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This is a fantastic piece.. I really like the form, and the way you've explored real character's minds. it muct have been really hard to write..
Sometimes, if things are meant to be, they'll happen eventually.. ?
jess
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to pause - why can't I turn it back
and say, No, no I don't want to speak to you at all;
why did I insist on answering the phone -
you've only ever brought me grief,
plastic and unreal through the miles
of wire and wire and wire and please
leave me alone, can't you see how much
I'm slowly falling apart
-- i tend to feel this way alot latley.
the why's woman.
oh wow, hun i feel awful i havent really been commenting on your stuff lately and i need to play catch up, but i certainly couldnt help but tell you this was beauty at its best.
images were strong & livley. your voice.. is sad but true. thank you for sharing love.
<3
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s'okay, I dun mind you not commenting, I'm just glad you read this one. The personal ones are the ones that really matter. Thank you.
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