Lend me your wings, Love.
Show me the dark sky above.
Without you, I'll fall.
A contest entry
- Haiku Contest!! by KnightOfTheRose.
325 points, ended April 29, 2007, 39 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I loved this short sweet and it leaves an impact I loved it
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This is a lovely piece with interesting rhyme scheme
I liked the romance here although the 'without you I'll fail' was very sad and showed that maybe it wasn't just a wanting to be in love with this person but also a dependency on this person Congrats on the trophy
Pozo
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this is more of a senryu (human haiku)than that of a haiku, expressing your emotions. the judge who holds the contest doesn't even know what is the difference between a senryu and haiku.
In your title it connotes two different meanings. I don't know if you are aware of it but as as japanese i may probably correct it for your own good. This is a constructive criticism, don't be offended.Tho I could understand it in some way, the construction is wrong...It must be like this;
Watashi No Taisetsu na Hito Yo (私のたいせつな人よ
Hito yo in other words or meaning also connotes to love or love one....well anyway congrats!
小百合 -
great job Loveless!!!! I really liked this haiku! your finally entering my contests!!!!!!! YAY!!! oh and guess what? I went to the zoo on thursday! I saw penguins! It was fun! anyway thanks for entering! excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!
-Steve-
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