Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Beach View

 

Out my window, the majestic sea
Where moonlight caresses the sand
The pristine shore is within my sight
With lapping waves reminding me

My window opens my mind to see
The misty shore where we would stand
As I look out in the evening light
My window keeps my mind so free

I love this window where I can see
Where we walked slowly hand in hand
The place we kissed is within my sight
Out my window lies a mem'ry

Out my window, the majestic sea
Where moonlight caresses the sand
The pristine shore is within my sight
With lapping waves reminding me

 

 

 

Author notes

La’Tuin

The La’Tuin, is a strict formal poetic form that consists of 4-line stanzas with an 'abca, abca' rhyme scheme that is consistent throughout each stanza. Stanzas 2, 3 etc. must all follow the same rhyme sounds as the first stanza. With the first stanza being repeated again at the end of the piece; it contains a minimum of 4 stanzas, with no maximum length limit.


Created by Laura Lamarca; the La'Tuin is named after A'Tuin, a giant turtle from the Diskworld series. A turtle is a symbol of Mother Earth. La is Laura Lamarca's signature.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • celestial
    May 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    : )

    Love the imagery


  • Swan song gold member
    May 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That is really excellent. You have a lot of poetry that just flat chants. Beautiful imagery and that you can look out the window to a place you kissed a lover, Very nice. I like the line where moon light caresses the sand.


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is good & you used my form too Just 1 thing "memory" is 3 syllables taking that line to 9 instead of 8. The word can be shortened to "mem'ry" and it fits perfectly I really enjoyed reading this piece. Thank you for entering and good luck! La x


  • Desire gold member
    April 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!

    I finally get to commenting and Happy I am for I Love this!!
    New form and what a Beauty I tell You
    Felt Serenity after inhaling this Masterpiece!
    You do any form so darn well Geeeeeeeeeeesh
    More! More!

    Loved this one!!!
    Best wishes to You in the contest
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • Sacrificial Love
    April 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Breathless....

    I could picture it all ...

    as if I was sitting in a chair... I even pictured what type of chair...whicker... looking out the window... and daydreaming... watching the beautiful shore....

    You definitely showed your mastery in your ability to absorb your reader...

    Great work...

    Heidi
    xoxo


    • Amera gold member
      April 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      smile

      Thank you so much girlfriend! This is a rewrite for the contest. The judge didn’t like it in a Villanelle form so I rewrote it in a La’Tuin. I hope it works.

      Love,
      Amera

1 - 7 of 7