Her to Him
Always I’ve thought of us together
Showing each other love
Inspired we'd sing your songs of grandeur
You’re my source of passion
Too long I’ve had naught but silence
Searching for songs in my mind
Wildly my beating heart races
To our songs combined
Him to Her
Always you’ve helped me when I’ve fallen
Showing me true beauty
Inspiring in me such songs of grandeur
You are my northern star
Too long I’ve wandered without you
Searching for some inner bliss
Wildly my heart beats against it
But I can't resist
Author notes
This is how I really feel, whether or not it wins. I hope you enjoy it
P.S. I took the advice and put less emphasis on the rhyme and only having the third to last and the last line of each actually rhyming.
A contest entry
- Hymn to her/she said by windhover3.
2000 points, ended May 9, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love...Loved by Procrastination.
375 points, ended May 26, 2007, 49 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything take a look by x Bright Eyes x.
575 points, ended June 17, 2007, 124 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My first year on AP by forever dreaming.
450 points, ended June 17, 2007, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Poem(s) You Have Ever Wrote by NickelleteXninja.
550 points, ended June 15, 2007, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me your fist impression
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I think the first stanza could do with a small bit of editing to improve the flow of the piece. There is something about the 3rd line which is throwing it off somewhat in my mind. Perhaps you could work on that. It lets the rest of the poem down somewhat compared to the second stanza which seems a lot smoother and well thought out. Overall the idea is simplistic yet creative. Just a small tweak here and there could significantly improve the flow throughout the poem.
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Very intersting I love the rhyme scheme... some what confusing at some points
I like how you used her to him then switched it up and did him to her -
Congrats on winning silver. This poem is very lovely. Creative title too.
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hi i thought this was very nice and i could feel the love in this write thank you for entering and wish you the best of luck
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A trully individual poem, that is loevely and sensitive. I have never seen a poem writen in this format before. Welldone.
Goodluck in the contest.
Emily xxx
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This piece really does show your heart and i'm glad you've found an outlet to give yourself the gift of listening to your inner thoughts-
thanks for entering
m -
I like the light rhyming. It added well to the mood. This was very passionate, and it's great that you so-well express what is in your heart. Good luck in the contest.
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