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Such Wealth.

Missing image

Come, sit by my knee

and hold hands, you and me

and a tale I will tell

with great glee;

 

About a small man ,

who could only eat "jam"...

on a bread roll ,

that cost just 1p...

 

This man was so poor,

that he slept near a door,

keeping warm with the "news" wrapped around...

huddled tight in a ball, letting out a deep snore,

frightening dogs all around... with the sound.

 

Now, on a fine day, Betsy Mae went to play

with a penny or two in her purse,

she danced through the town,

with her face near the ground,

dreaming dreams of becoming... a nurse.

 

This small man she saw in the door way,

looking terribly cold and forlorn,

so she stepped up beside him and asked him,

did he have a warm coat ...not so torn?

 

He shook his sad head at the memory,

of such a fine coat  he once had,

but a long time ago he had let the coat go,

for a warm drink and place for his head. 

 

Now, Betsy was kind and heart heavy,

offered pennies, for food for this man...

but he startled her so,

when he looked high and low

and proceeded to dance...holding hands;

 

Now a crowd drew around these strange figures,

dancing gently about in the square 

and before you could blink,

and as quick as a wink,

there were pennies from heaven....you know....;)

 

Now, the end of this tale could have differed...

as it only took kindness from one,

holding out a small hand is worth more than a "grand"

when it's given without a demand.

 

 

 

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • crystallynnbradford
    August 30, 2007

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    I really like the rhyme scheme in it and the flow is good to. it feels like you but a lot of thought into writing this piece and it is a really good write...i hope to read more of your work soon.

    • cutiepie gold member
      August 30, 2007
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      Thank you Crystal Delighted that you enjoyed this one...I have a soft spot for humor and rhyme

  • cutiepie gold member
    July 26, 2007
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    <

    Thank you

  • subliminalj
    July 25, 2007

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    wow. that's really good. i didn't quite know where it was going at first. great conclusion, and ability in this poem, really.

  • frankey
    July 14, 2007

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    That is a wonderful tale that carried me away for a while. You told it so effortlessly and with a very delicate touch of humour that it was so easy to read and so very enjoyable.

  • Emilia Ricks
    June 27, 2007
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    You really took me along a journey. Nice job.

  • krilpa
    June 25, 2007

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    This reminds me very much of childhood nursery rhymes of my early years; I love it.
    A few lines lose the feel of the poem/rhyme.

    "This man she saw in the door way,
    looking terribly cold and forlorn"

    "for a warm drink and place for his head"

    "...strange figures"

    Stanzas 5,6,7,8,9 have a rhythm but it staggers for me. I would try to rework these a little. The quotes above are places where I got tripped up in rhyme. I would recommend having someone read it out loud to you so you could hear the rhythm; I say things to fit the rhythm i want but when someone else reads/says it, it doesn't quite fit like I thought.

    Overall Awesome! You should write children's books.

    Kp



    . Rewarded 8


    • cutiepie gold member
      June 26, 2007
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      Yes,...I really struggled with this one I find that when I try to write humor, my accent gets in the way of rhythm What sounds correct in my head does not always read the same way to others, but I am very grateful for your help, which is always appreciated I will re-read this one and look to edit. Many thanks once again

  • Cannonsfire gold member
    June 18, 2007

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    Oh the thoughts in this are delightful, pennies from heaven raining down on a kind gesture given without a thought in her head. Beautifully told and a pleasure to read. Love, C

    . Rewarded 4


    • cutiepie gold member
      June 19, 2007
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      I have to be honest and confess help with this one, as Limericks would not be my forte, a kind soul leapt in to help( I know them as Lily of the Valley) but they go by the correct horticultural name, which I can neither spell or say Glad you enjoyed it, thank you

  • Lily otv
    April 21, 2007

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    When I started to read this peom I tripped on the flow a little so I read it again in a different way and I actually think it has the flow of a limerick. Maybe if you repostitioned the lines it would seem that way to other readers too.

    How ever you wrote it, the message that came across was wonderful. I could envisage very clearly this little girl giving her pennies to a cold man with no coat.

    I love the image you created and it's lovely to read something different that has a tale to tell. Brilliant.

    PS - Check out the Raven contest (20,000 points and cash) coming to Allpoetry this June.

    • cutiepie gold member
      April 21, 2007
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      I am not quite sure what this started out as...I call them "whimsey's" They start life as a message and collect a little rhyme on the way.I have only ever attempted a Limerick once and that was a sad imitation, or so I was told but I will give it a go and who knows, maybe the light will shine through

  • Lady-Pegasus
    April 20, 2007

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    I find this to be an unusual piece, to be certain. the flow was uneven to me and seemed to try to become lyrical and then doesn't. The stiory is a good piece of work , however, so perhaps a touch of polish to make this shine. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *

    • cutiepie gold member
      April 21, 2007
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      Thank you Hetohke'e for your kindness This was written on a "whim", not my usual box I appreciate your words when you say a little uneven...I will go back and try some " spit and polish"

  • Cherokee W
    April 20, 2007

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    This is an amazing folk tale story. You did a great job at getting directly through the story without "dilly dallying" A very good moral at that.

    • cutiepie gold member
      April 21, 2007
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      I do so love that expression "dilly dallying"...reminds me of my Grandmother Thank you for your kindness and comments

  • grannyeri gold member
    April 20, 2007

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    Remember seeing this picture before, it is a real standout. Liked the message shared in the lines of this poem - easy to read and understand, good flow and rhythm and rhyme too.

    • cutiepie gold member
      April 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      This picture holds a special place...If I am trying to convey a message, I am inclined to use it as it makes people stop and stare Some love it, some hate it...me, it reminds me of a priest Many thanks for your comments, as always, very much appreciated
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