One tear remains in my eye.
A tear for this world I cry.
I've seen all the killing,
suffering and pain.
Man's tried, but it has been in vain.
I've watched television as people die.
It's hard for family to say goodbye.
I know that we have to change.
Putting faith in God;
why does that seem so strange.
Government can't cure the pain I feel.
I've lost half of my family;
and its no big deal.
I know that it's hard to cope.
God will be my strength;
and my rope.
I know change is coming one day;
and until then I will pray.
A tear remains in my eye.
Thoughts about the world;
and for this I cry.
A contest entry
- a drop of tear by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
400 points, ended May 7, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems for my wall by Lauren Noir.
650 points, ended August 31, 2007, 83 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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This is such a very powerful write...personal yet people who could see the status of our society today could relate to this thought-provoking poem of yours...very well-said especially the lines..."A tear remains in my eye. Thoughts about the world;
and for this I cry."
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This is wonderful
The message was so sad
But the hope and love of God was sweet, and beautiful
And something that can bring us through
I liked the rhyme mostly, it ddi feela bit strained in bits, but the majority was really effective
I really liked the way you went through misery and hope, you made a personal pain and put bits about all over world pain
Not just shallow pain
Well done, this is fantastic
Thank you so much for entering
Good luck! -
Sheenbot
Very sad poem. {sob sob} Great use of rhyming. Very sad poem. My eyes feel like they're about wet and seem with tears! I love the poem. LOL *roses*
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wow
I liked how you semi repeated some verses but not really because you added words and stuff.That was neato! Ps. I think in this line you meant to write the word men instead of man...."Man tried, but it has been in vain." but i dont really know because its your writting and you can do what you want to.
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Amazing write with such feeling
I can see great spiriual feeling in you and your amazing faith. Keep up the great writes of yours.Thats a grand dream of yours and We all wish for change in the world to come soon. For we are all killing each other. And God put us on earth to love each other how we have forgot. So sad to kill your own human race. What is this world coming to. (Lisa)
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i have no words that to possible explain this i understand but still i must ponder on the words because they were deep and well people keep on making things hard you lost half ur family? i lost all of it i know how it is you can write and well my mind was
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well, I like that you won an honorable mention it. I would have given it the gold, haha.
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A pure emotional write expressed terrifically, the trophy is well deserved my friend!! As long as there is hope in the hearts of some of us, there is hope for this cruel world. Bravo on a fantastic write!!
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Hi yes, that's better - it flows better - you took out unneccessary words. I like it.
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Heartbreaking
This poem is so filled with the sadness I think most of the world feels. We need a change and it will come. To call the poem Tear, says it all. What can we do but cry and call on a Higher Being to make sense of the mess we have made. This is very touching and I like it a lot. Thank you for the chance to read this.
Wolfie
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Thank you for your comment and words. I appreciate it.I appreciate that you took time to read it.
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This is a real emotional piece! The world does make one want to cry.
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Hi, this is whole new change in your voice- are you deliberately trying to write from the perspective of someone else in this poem? Like a downhearted half educated person with a lot of spark, and intelligence?
At first I thought you as an author were trying to change/expand your style and your mistakes and awkwardness were unintentional- it all seemed too weird, given the other poetry you have written, but I was going to critique it as such.
But now I see it differently - I if I am right- everything you have written is written deliberatly as stated, in a character that is wholly different from yourself, and in a voice not really your own? If I am right then it is a good poem- but it needs a different background to portray it, otherwise people might just critique it differently. You will have to let me know if I am on the right track with what I am thinking- cause I have two ways I can interpret this.
In either perspective, the line you use about tears is simply touching and amazing- your poem in either way tugs at people's heartstrings- it couldn't fail to! -
tear remains in my eye.
Thoughts about the world;
and for this I cry..
A touch of the pain and its definations in terms of life and its truth have come out so beautifuly..and thank you so much for your kind entry.. -
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I went and changed it a bit. Can you read it again. thank you.
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Emotional charged with out the 'screaming'.
Poetic and yet it says so much, descriptive of
this nation and how brutal we can be. But this
shows that there is hope
Peace/Mia
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aww
that's such a beautiful poem you have, great job, i rly rly liked it
i hope you write more
great great job
and i can relate to this poem
i feel for your loss and everything'll trun out fine
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How can I ever smile again?
universal and beautiful, so simple xx
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