I stand on the
e
d
g
e
in a world of dreams
and kneel before a tiny candle;
I am surrounded by darkness deep
with your name clear in my mind.
A black void of watching awareness
the darkness has forever threatened
my dreams, my life, my very soul
but it can not penetrate the candle.
For the candle’s flame is steady, strong
and the
n
e
w
n
e
s
s
of your name does not diminish hope.
I hear the ocean,
The sand the waves move around your feet
your love raps around my sleep is peace.
I feel the inexorable pull
and am draw to the water,
the receding void of darkness revels us
walking into the night
upon a timeless seashore
The candle
Now an eternal light
s
h
i
n
i
n
g
b
r
i
g
h
t
within the palms of our hands held tight.
In a list
A contest entry
- Paint Me A Picture by Walking In pAiN.
300 points, ended April 24, 2007, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
Just reading your personal bests today. This is truly one of them.
-
well this poem was cool it had a lot of flow and was not at all bad i didnt realy get it htough i read it and it sort of just stuck there other than that myou are a wasome writer keep it up and just fallow your real feelings other than tht i have run out of things to say over and out bringer of midssery
-
Wow.
Wow. I adore this. Very good imagery and way you wrote it.
the breaks and shifts. -
Wonderful
The imagery here is vivid and very real. Your message is interesting and has good flow and tone. This is a very creative poem with good expression. It is formatted very nicely. This is an amazing pen that is a smooth read. Incredible poetry. Splendid write.
~Snappy~
. Rewarded 6
-
I really like how this poem was constructed. It's almost part concrete poetry and part not. I love how you did the "edge," I felt that that really was able to get the point across!I also loved how you ended it with "shining bright within the palms of our hands held tight." This is definitely the type of poem that gives me the warm fuzzy feeling in the end. Another thing I found really great with this poem is the imagery. How you used the ocean, and the candle, and even kneeling before the tiny candle. It really all gave me this warm sense of what the poem is about!
. Rewarded 8
-
Thought provoking
A well written piece that begs the reader to read again.I found your use of language well constructed.Great job
. Rewarded 4
-
beautiful
your play with words and just the words itself really allows you to see it in your mind. This is a very wonderful poem, I very much enjoyed it.
. Rewarded 4
-
wow
this is was very interesting, very lovely. Each word flowed to make me read more and more what an excellent write!!! keep up the good work!
stevie
. Rewarded 4
-
-
thank you, Stevie. I am glad you enjoyed this
-
-
Congratulations
So pleased to see shiny gold on this wonderful verse. Well done dear one. It truly is deserving of this and much more. YAY! ~Pameal 
-
-
thanks pam
-
-
OMG! This gave me chills
I get a sence of the 5 sences in this poem. Even though it sounds like you didn't, i could see, feel, hear what you were talking about. And i [Love] how you droped some words..it's kinda like a clif hanger where there is a [deep] [emotional] pause before the last stroke is taken. Simply beautiful!
Thank you for entering and i wish you the best of luck
ashley
-
-
thank you so much for the honor of gold! It is alway a great pleasure to know that my words touched another soul.
thank you and be blessed.
-
-
How intense and beautiful is this, anything metaphorically speaking of the waters is appealing to me...."The sand the waves move around your feet
your love raps around my sleep is peace." stunning and peaceful all at the same time....imagery is exquisite as is the different form and structure...Good luck!
-
another great one. I like how the words go down that way. It's pretty awesome. good luck in the contest!
-
Beautiful
I loved this piece. Shaped perfectly in words and gentle emotion. I am so moved by this beautiful poem.
~Pamela
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
