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Out My Window

Out My Window

O out my window lives the sea
Where moonlight caresses the sand
The lapping waves reminding me

Of you my love, laughter and glee
I’d walk closely, holding your hand
O out my window lives the sea

O through that window I can see
The misty shore where we would stand
The lapping waves reminding me

This window keeps my mind so free
I love how you can understand
O out my window lives the sea

Its forceful pow'r a guarantee
The ocean always in command
The lapping waves reminding me

You’re like the ocean so you see
Together, the sea; it was planned
O out my window lives the sea
The lapping waves reminding me

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Villanelle

A Villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyming scheme: aba aba aba aba aba abaa.

The first and the third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order throughout the poem, and appear together in the last couplet (last two lines).

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Blossom Fairy
    September 26, 2007

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    Making me so glad!

    Wonderful writing! Each line flows so beautifully into the next, and the ocean theme is so finely carried out. I do appreciate this poem!


  • Swan song gold member
    July 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a nice poem and i will read this again


  • Never Fall in Love
    June 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am truly ... shocked.
    I had to admit that I read Laura's comment first.
    Not fluent?
    That's the last thing I'd say about this poem and probably then I'd still hesitate to say it.
    The poem is very fluent.
    I read it on straight through and the words just escaped my lips with ease.
    Forget the first time, I read this three times and I still don't understand how ANYONE can say that this is not fluent.
    I think she's jealous of your talent
    Yes, thinking of it again, I believe so.
    This is simply amazing
    Don't let anyone's measly (sp?) two cents take you off-track.

    Keep it all up
    Love ya,
    NeveR ♥


  • Swan song gold member
    May 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This song reminds me of the Song Brandy. From Ft L
    Florida you live close to the sea. I was in Key West once. I fell in love for one night anyways with a very
    beautiful girl. This poem reminds me of that.It wasnt like we messed around. We made love in the mind though.


  • Moons Lunar Angel
    April 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is so beautiful! I don't even know how to write a villanelle but the layout is nice. Well done.
    Lil


  • Desire gold member
    April 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!

    Loved this verse penned my Friend
    What a form used and You do these so darn well...
    With eyes closed and all
    just burp and out they come..Geeeeeeeeeeeeesh
    Images take the reader on a Journey where no picture needed...Just inhale the letters~
    Thank You for sharing this Gem~

    Best wishes to You in the contest
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


    • Amera gold member
      April 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      *hug*

      Thanks Desire, I thought it worked well too but Laura just said it sucked so I pulled it from the contest.

      Quite frankly, I looked at other entries that she liked and I thought some of them sucked. Different taste I guess.


      • Desire gold member
        April 20, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        what sucked? I am still learning forms...
        so I am not one to question the form itself...
        The images felt strong and it felt like it flowed


        • Amera gold member
          April 20, 2007
          Edit | Reply
          I don't know; the form is perfect. Look at her comment,she said the stanzas aren't so fluent.


          • Desire gold member
            April 20, 2007

            Edit | Reply
            Call me blind but I don't see it...but that is me...
            You have a Beautiful style..
            where if someone does not understand or prefers a different style..then that can impact perception...


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    April 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a brave attempt at a villanelle. Some of the stanzas aren't so fluent, but others are amazing. Villanelles are hard because each line should follow fluidly to the next, although the thought process flowed well and you did really well with the rhymes. Thanks for entering my contest. Good luck La x


    • Amera gold member
      April 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      not fluent?

      Oh dear! I don't see the amorphous problem. I'll withdraw and write something that has a chance in your contest.

      If I don't see a problem then I can't fix it.


  • JohnnyD gold member
    April 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I can say a LOT about this nice write but I gotta run eat breakfast. I will comment later tonight after class.
    very nice Amera



    Dad

1 - 13 of 13