I.
I lived in an old paper mill apartment
for several months
with some guy,
now faceless,
that I liked a lot
simply because he needed someone
more than I.
He had an enormous cat
that would sit on my tall bureau
for hours on end
and stare upwards
towards tiny gray mice
that it could not see
through yellow spotted ceiling tiles.
And, oddly enough
I can picture that clearly.
II.
Mike and I
were good friends
before we shared a space.
The 2nd year
we lived above his Nana Langley.
I liked that apartment most.
That Her warmth resided there,
through the walls,
the floors,
from the garden outside
where his cousin Lee
had tended the dahlias.
Two years later,
Nana Langley passed away.
Mike married
and moved to Vegas.
I think
the dahlias are gone now,
and wonder
if he thinks of them.
III.
The walls here
are an absurd color of pea-soup,
every damn room,
with lilac trim.
The tenant downstairs
smokes pot,
throws parties,
never takes the trash out –
can’t afford the concern to do so
-- I imagine.
But he'll be interesting to write about.
I guess everyone has something to give.
A contest entry
- A piece of You by Melissa Gayle.
1300 points, ended May 6, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
-
I am blown away! I am totally blown away. I randomly went through your poems and chose this one. This is the type of work that makes me proud to befriend, and come to know so many on this site. Kimmie. I was swept away in these words. I was there, from the "cat on the tall bureau to the smell of "Nana Langley". Powerful imagery at work here. Your Quill spun a wondrous poem. Thank YOU! It's been near a week since I read a poem that makes me say WOHA...I can stop here for today! Everything else would incur an uphill climb, and I've had more than my fair share. LOL
Got to highlight this;
"The tenant downstairs
smokes pot,
throws parties,
never takes the trash out –
can’t afford the concern to do so
-- I imagine.
But he'll be interesting to write about.
I guess everyone has something to give."
Bravo! The Gold is sitting pretty here!
All My Love ♥
Renee
-
This is excellent writing here, I LOVED part one, although all were fabulous and took me on a wonderful journey!!! Congrats!
-
Deserved win. This is a terrific piece.
-
-
I don't know if I ever thanked you for this comment...
so .. ummm.. thanks!
-
-
This is brilliant, there is nothing else to say. Fantastic.
-
a fascinating trilogy
such an array of experience within the narration each with a distinct mood and direction. Like a trifold card the surface one views would be completely distinct from the others were it not all on one piece of paper, here connected to one life. The writing is wonderful, skillful word choices artful use of metaphor and imagery; overall a very well done piece(s) here...PK
-
Elvis recorded a song, "The Walls Have Ears.' I think they have eyes has well. Somehow, walls seem to absorb bits and pieces of the lives they contain, hold catalysts in color and scent to define atmosphere that may not even exist any longer in the chronology of events. Still, one feels the aura, and adds a bit to to it. Do we remember the dahlias... what an enigmatic question! I would hope so, with so many weeds, the world needs all the beauty it can muster.
(pea-colored walls with lavender trim? Yuk!)
-
Interesting
Very well done.
-
This is so well done, mixing the lost years with those that didn't seem lost and, finally, the realization that none are truly lost. I particularly like the starkness: the cat staring at the ceiling, the ever-full trash. Yet each of these helps retain the soft, warm center, the memory that makes all the others worth while. It's both sad and uplifting.
-
This is great. The pieces fit together to create a sort of moving picture... still-life sketches fanned quickly from pages of a biography. Great use of language and imagery.
-
mmmmm
i like this.
for selfish reasons, of course. -
A day in the life - wonderful meander through the caverns here... free-flow ease, tasty snippets - just enough to divulge wiffs of pain, flares of passion.
Love it.
-
I like the layout of this poem and how it follows a thread of memory through the shadows and light of relationship. Beautifully well done.
-
Each of these fragments tells the story of a life...the first one, although the guy is blurry now, something of him lives on in the image of the cat. The dahlias in the 2nd fragment caught my eye and somehow they remain "lit" in the eyes of the reader too - a lingering nostalgia, the colours, the warmth... And then, the last fragment: The wisdom of that last line - wonderful the way you took the "ugly" and made it beautiful. Overall there is a softness here that is tangible. Fabulous poetry, Kimmie.
~ Nicolette
-
I guess they do Kimmie.... this story hits home to me.. the layers of life, being unpeeled and like the smell of fresh coffee, my mum's baked apples and french bread and homemade custard... the tall boy with my gran's sewing box on top.. it is all in a familiar place in my mind and heart
there is something.. about knowing
good one Kimmie
-
-
thanks Gill. This was one of those pieces that didn't start out being a trilogoy at all. The first stanza was almost done as a poem on its own with a different ending, only applying to the cat. Thank God some things write themselves or I'd have a lot of blank sheets around here.
thanks again!
Hope your weekend is as beautiful there as ours was here. It finally hit 70 today!
-
-
i dunno kimmie- i still think you are missing the comparison factor- i think you need a still or a now or something that compares it to before-
or simply the dahlias are gone - which compares it too.. -
Oh..this is excellent.
-
-
thanks hon!
-
-
this is absolutely excellent- fabulous poetry-
one little nit.. i would change the second dahlia line to make it more comparison based:
maybe : the dahlias are gone
the dahlias are no longer there
no one tends the dahlias
i doubt if the dahlias are still there
personally i prefer the first
Your first stanza is just wonderful.- strong clear image with the faceless guy- love the cat- love the softness for nana too- just love this piece.
m
-
-
got it... shifted a word or two - ditched an "I"...
thanks a million!
-
this is what happens when the house is empty and I just can't sleep. maybe - 'I think the dahlias are gone now' -? would that work. I tried to do the comparison with Vegas not having dahlias. For some reason the dialogue seems to miss one word with 'the dahlias are gone'. I just have this tendency for long-winded poetry. lol
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 23 of 23
