he leapt off the bridge
he couldn’t swim
Author notes
For New Contest: Option 2 (suicide)
Option 5- Five Lines or Less
A contest entry
- Give Me A Two-Liner by PrettyRagDoll.
600 points, ended May 19, 2007, 73 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Depressing.... with options by Ntagatf.
500 points, ended September 19, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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i'm not really looking for something like this but its short quick and to the point, but i think it needed a bit more anyway thanks for entering my contest, good luck
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I have to admit that I'm not very impressed by this. I don't think that you expressed much emotion, which is necessary in a short poem concerning this subject. I think that if you were going for a serious subject, this didn't really hit the mark. It actually seems to read as more of a joke. Feel free to edit before the contest ends, and I will reread and rejudge the piece. Thank you for entering.
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The space between the two lines added a powerful emotion and stark imagery. It was like the poem was expressing the fall from the bridge to the water. You carefully chose each word to give the reader an event that could be metaphorical or literal. Thanks for sharing and entering my contest.
-BabyBear -
er. interesting i suppose. i'm not usually a big fan of extremely short pieces, but i guess of that sort, this is good, seeing as how it can mean many things and leaves it up to the reader to interpret. good for you for doing that. doesn't seem to be too terribly complex of a piece, but sometimes simplicity is best. good luck with the rest of your writing (sorry about the comment being a lot longer than the piece itself!) may peace go with you
~shadowlyn -
ok, simple and succinct in a modicum of words. just A to b thought. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors.
Hetohke'e * 
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This is good. No more needs to be said. With only a few words you have conveyed so much. Well done.
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Although this is supposed to be dark and stuff, for some reason I found it highly amusing! ITs a bit like comic relief. Very well written as it is hard to sqeeze a subject into 8 words. Good luck in the contest!!
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good work
your insight is incredible
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I liked it. It was short and to the point and it still made the readers think. Good job.
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Something very very dark about this. Although it is really short it makes the reader wanting to know more, like why did he jump, what was so bad that he could not face? A pondering 2 liner
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I love it, and I disagree with brandon, this conveys so much as a very poetic two-line thought that is a deeper poem than many rhymed and long "poems". You can pull so much out of this, it is harder to write short poetry and make it stay in a person's mind like you have. With this poem, it is the backstory and what is not said that makes is so wonderful. I know you asked for short comments, but I couldn't help but give you this long comment for such wonder.
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ummm....good job i guess....not really a poem cause there wasn't any rhythm or rhyme to it...just two sentences. i know it was for a contest, but why not just write a couplet?
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Wow. Two lines and my heart is aching with emotion. That's talent. The spaces between the first line and second line really hold suspense and wonder. Well done. Amazing.
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This is really sad,well done.
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