crashing waves biting bare feet
folded hands
in the first prayers since hope ran out
not in the dawning of a repentant soul
but straight from the wretched, tarry depths
of jealousy, rage, and coveting
ice tinkling in crystal
cool liquid warming in mouth
so far removed from ocean spray
events now drowning in numbing oblivion...but the eyes
open, green, white and clear, accusing even still after all these years.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
Good
Very good - again some really interesting langauge and the length is just right, spot on, it doesn't become too hard to read, despite having some complex lines. And it manages to work on several levels with each read picking out something new.
James
-
hi
You know when something is so deep that it goes over your head but a few things get caught in a really bad case of bed head, and those little bits unlock memories youd forgotten you had, the crashing waves took me back to a trip to the sea side where i was like 4 ft tall and i saw my first two Irish wolf hounds, which are about 6ft tall, i was there with my mum, so thankyou so much for that gift
-
-
micheal
you are more than welcome. i have constant bed head, I think. esp. these days working on finals and packing. I had to reread this to see where you were coming from but irish wolf hounds sound impressive esp. if you're 4 ft. tall.
-
-
If it's possible for a poem to be calming and enlightening at the very same moment- this poem accomplishes that.
I am in love with these lines:
"ice tinkling in crystal
cool liquid warming in mouth
so far removed from ocean spray"
Particularly the first of those, as it reminds me of one of my favourite keyboard sounds. ^^
Loved it. =]
-Allura
-
-
allura
thanks for being in love with words i've written. made me smile.
keyboard - tinkling; good sound. Tim's keyboard...I know the sound.
yeah... calming and enlightening...as if time is constant, there is no past or present or future - it's all happening at the same time; all of life occurring in the moment. mindbending thought, eh?
and no, i havne't been drinking. -
-
Doesn't quite sound like a drunken though... more a dope thought I think, lol. Nah, I know what you mean, and totally agree/think that way all the time.
-
-
-
Excellant/intriguing/sad
Aye, a very fine write indeed. I liked the smooth flow, and the words chosen to express your ideas in this write. For some reason an old movie/title song came to mind while I was reading this, link in just a moment: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/b/barbra+streisand/way+we+were_20013256.html
If you haven't seen the movie, or heard the title song, I hope you enjoy the lyrics.
-
-
i can hear her singing in my head but don't really know to what movie you are referring.
"Aye" where are you from if you don't mind me asking? -
-
dragonsear
The movie is also titled: "The Way We Were". Actually, born and raised in Utah. I now live in Seattle. I pick up a lot of words and phrases from the wide variety of reading that I do.
-
-
-
I love the title you have on this piece, its so very true..as for the poem, its well written too!
-
-
thank you. i love pickles! esp. the jumbo ones you can get at the fair. heehee.
glad you enjoyed.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
