Too early to go home just yet,
she takes another path.
Through alley after alley,
on this busy city evening.
The sun starts to set
as she breathes in
the city's aromas.
Never knowing what's to come.
Too busy taking in her surroundings
she doesn't notice who follows behind.
Dodging behind dumpsters,
hiding from her view.
Too late does she notice
that she is not alone.
He grabs her by the waist,
bringing her to the wall.
Hand over mouth,
she has no choice.
Too few people pay attention
as this girl of seventeen
is raped, beaten, and broken.
Many times over he whispers,
he loves her more than she could know.
With every "soothing" word
blood flows from every inch
of her innocent body.
Too many times she screams,
in vain for no one hears.
Not a soul is around
in this ever busy city.
No caring soul to stop this...
this tragedy...
this bloodshed...
this crime.
Too weak now to stand on her own,
she sinks to the ground,
making his sinful deed
all the more easy to accomplish.
Too late for anyone to help.
He's finished with his lust.
No need for his victim any longer.
With a kiss on her lips,
bloody and swollen,
his strong hands find her neck,
and with one swift movement
her suffering has ended...
as the sun sets blood red.
Author notes
Extremely morbid and I hope that's alright.
if not just delete me and I won't be like some others and cry about it.
A contest entry
- Scare the crap out of me by yourbentangel.
340 points, ended April 27, 2007, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Murder by Blossom.
350 points, ended May 3, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark and Depressing #2 by XHollowXEyesX.
750 points, ended June 18, 2007, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkness will consume us all by Dark Whispers.
350 points, ended May 16, 2007, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deep Dark Thoughts by FleetingImage.
330 points, ended August 11, 2007, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *L.o.s.t, H.u.r.t.&&C.o.n.f.u.s.e.d* by Logans-Mommy.
500 points, ended August 2, 2007, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetry Thrillers by Oleander.
500 points, ended December 7, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Poem You Have Ever Written by Cherokee.
300 points, ended July 31, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best! (Limited Entries) by dendriapyro.
490 points, ended July 29, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, dark, and even darker by Luciferschild.
600 points, ended February 24, 94 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round contest number one (prewrite) by serenity silvermoon.
510 points, ended September 25, 111 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - darkside by emoempess.
700 points, ended May 16, 201 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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wow this is a good poetry....very dark poery
i like the way your feeling letting out..
your emotions are very deep -
this still just makes me want to cry.....so dark and brutal, I can't imagine any intrusion into one's life so damaging as rape...
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good imagery, the poem was a bit long but it didnt lose my attention. thank you for entering and good luck
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LOVE IT.
i love the story you've created, and how it all ties together with the line "as the sun sets blood red". that just gives it that extra BAM at the end, which i think really makes the imagery of this poem so effective.
it really shows how awful people are at paying attention to what goes on right in their streets....
thanks for entering! -
.....
I'm...speechless. -
heart breaking...
i cried on this one alot...
it is truly a great poem...
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woah .. this is awesome!
The story you've painted .. well, just blown me away. You've got two trophies for this and you definately deserve them!
Rape happens way too often and many stories are not heard of - the ones where murder is involved surfaces soon but - it's disgusting.
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
Never ♥ -
This sure is a dark poem, but its also a sad story, it starts out with her already scared, but then to have that happen to her is even more awful, great poem, enjoyed reading!
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damn, very good imagery, i like this, its good. sad, but good.
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this poem was oh tooo nice and the awards show it in the end i love the imagery even though it was brutal...good luck.
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This is a very nice write but I don't think it's quite what I'm looking for in this contest. I need something that isn't real - life scary. Please feel free to enter again if you find something that's a little bit more sutible. Thanks for your entry - I know rejection sucks but it was a wonderful right - just not quite what this contest is about.
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this poem is put under erotic so i must remove it, sorry. feel free to enter again. =) also dont message me arguing the removal of your poem.
~!~keep writing~!~ -
Ilove thia part of the poem more it brought a certain depth with it "No caring soul to stop this...
this tragedy...
this bloodshed...
this crime."
This whole poem is just awesome -
wow...this sent shivers downmy spine. It is a scary reminder of all the awful things that go on within a city, and like you wrote,so many people around yet noones ever stops to help. its absolutely disgusting. but this write is awesome, it flowed smoothly and the depth of emotion and description is...captivating.
great write, thanks for entering and goodlcuk -
this was a good write...unfortunately i can relate to this just not all in the same wats..this was a good write keep writting your talented and good luck in the contest..
~Chrissy~ -
ah the sad thing here is this sort of thing happens all too often i think. a good dark poem, nice to see punctuation used correctly too.
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Scary.
A common modern atrocity, Rape. This should no doubt get (or should have got) the gold for those contests related to "scare" or "dark". Most people don't fully understand the darkness of rape- More so in larger cities (NYC joy!!) where it's at least somewhat often... I really appreciate this- because it's the kind of vision I suppose I have... I imagine- the one night I do not escort a girl home will be the night something happened. I live across NYC from one very good friend- I walked her home not so much out of a lust or attraction (Cause I'm not worth her time methinks) but more so because of this kind of story becoming a reality. As said- an atrocity- and excellently portrayed in your writing is the horror it brings... Maybe growing up with a (mostly) single mother and a little sister gave me these kinds of opinions- but I think they're well worth having.
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Great one. It really painted a picture in my mind.
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it flows quite freely, yet remains disturbing by flinging images to the viewer that are all too real. it is as if one is walking briskly with her, seeing the danger but unable to change the outcome. the swift movement is most chilling of all.
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Wow!! This is incredibly all too real. The flow is very good...and the words create vivid images of horror and fear...saddness overwhelms me The title and the ending are amazing...the rest makes me want to cry....excellent write!!
Wyatt xoxoxo
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Yeah this was really good. A friend of mine wrote something like this a long time ago and I thought it was great as well. The last line, the sun sets blood red, was chilling... Great job, thank you for entering and good luck in the contest!
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Amazing! This was wonderful writing - you made the reader see and feel all the images. Sad story and unfortunately one that happens way too often - but even once is too often. Anyways, great write! And I love the last line as closure in this.
Good luck in your contest.
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Wow! That was an amazing write you really set the scence i could see it in my head.
The way you described what was going on, that last line "as the sun sets blood red" Really makes a point on the outcome of the poem and makes the reader stop and think.
Good Write
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