There once was a maiden,
Young and fair of face;
As pretty as sunlight
Dressed in satin and lace.
Alone in the world
So innocent was she
Not the best way
For a young lady to be.
The girl came to the valley
A new life to start;
With stardust in her eyes
And love in her heart.
Now a bush ranger lived
In that valley as well
They said his gun was of iron
And his horse was from hell.
He frightened the townsmen,
He robbed and he stole
But his gun wasn’t loaded;
He wouldn’t harm a soul
His eyes were of thunder
His features were hard
But below his demeanor
Lay a heart that was scarred.
He came on his horse
A stallion; jet black
With only his gun
And the clothes on his back.
The people, they feared him
Feared the glint of that gun
The first thing they did
When they saw him was run.
But the girl in the town square,
She stood there, unfazed
Entranced by those eyes,
She just stood there and gazed.
He came and hoisted her up
Like she was light as hay
By brute force he stole her
And galloped away.
She called out for help
Again and again
She struggled and shouted
And kicked, but in vain.
He knew the bush
Like the back of his hand
He was a ranger,
A man of the land.
He carried her off
Through the night, to his den
Far from the people,
Far from the men.
They called him a dingo;
A wild dog of murder,
But he respected the maiden
He would never have hurt her.
She sat through the long night
Just watching him sleep
She realized he was beautiful
She wanted him to keep.
But as the dawn broke
There came the harsh sound
Of the townspeople’s steeds
And guns from the town
The men burst through the door
And tore them apart
They sent a steel bullet
Right through his heart.
She put her face in her hands
And wept through the day
The one that she loved
Had been taken away.
What right did they have
To kill a spirit so free?
After all, he was only
An orphan, like she.
Author notes
c i r q u e
d u
s o l e i l
A contest entry
- ~No Trophy's ~Enter Here by blondone.
600 points, ended May 8, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Think You Can Win? by Nam.
1700 points, ended May 23, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tales Untold by Sokarjo.
1200 points, ended June 20, 2007, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want by fairytalelovestory.
625 points, ended April 11, 2008, 72 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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This is very good, it carried me right through to the end.
Best of luck in the contest!
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Wow! I am very impressed. I keep wanting to read more and more. I liked that there was a twist to it. Because in romeo & juliet the hate was because of the different families but this... this i liked because the one they hated or rather... feared was the man himself. I loved it. Such sorrow as she realized his true self. Great job.
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Again again lady yet again... I was reading the poem loudly to my sister.. and both of us praised it a lot.. you have good skills , keep it up! I've always loved story poems
Thanks for sharing
-Neha -
is this a personal piece????
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personal????
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This was beautiful and so sad good luck
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This is terrific! I'm a fan of Banjo Patterson's bush ballads and this emulates the feeling he created beautifully. My favourite part was:
The girl came to the valley
A new life to start;
With stardust in her eyes
And love in her heart.
Now a bush ranger lived
In that valley as well
They said his gun was of iron
And his horse was from hell.
It's hard to capture characters personalities in just a few lines but you've done it perfectly.
J.P. Troy
p.s. I agree about 'men riding on noble horses with guns, etc are much more romantic than the guys today'.
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The idea was to send 2 versions so I could see the evolution of the poetry.
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Oh, dear one, I do love this poem!
I shall take this beautiful ballad away to Poetry Planet and it will be enjoyed by so many! Thank you very much! 
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Fantastic flow! Nothing sounds really forced, and the story is quite good. Thanks for this great entry in my contest.
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The characters of this piece are fantastic, as is alot of the language. By far the weakest part of your poem is the rhyme-scheme, you fall back upon tryte and cliche couplets with great frequency. I don't really think this piece, which is so fantastically driven by its characters and story- needs a rhyme scheme. I would be very interested to see how vivid this piece woudl turn out if it was written in free-verse.
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*Gasp* this was so sad. I loved it. Wonderful rhyme, hardly awkward at all. Congrats on the trophies. I don't know what to say other than wow.
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I like the imagery and the narration style place into this piece.
My favorite lines:
She put her face in her hands
And wept through the day
The one that she loved
Had been taken away.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing my friend.
~VIRGOAN~
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Wow~ You did a fantastic job~ It's like watching a movie! It's amazing a lot of longer poems tend to lose the reader, your poem I couldn't wait to find out what happened next. Terrific job~ THANKS so much for entering it in the 2nd chance contest! It's a pleasure to have you.
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"Like she was as light as hay"
I would suggest removing the first "as", it's a filler-word and isn't needed. Works better without it.
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I really enjoyed it every part of it.. I saw you as you wrote the poem and i watched it being created.. Now it is a beautiful work of art.. Im glad that i have such a lovely friend who writes such good poetry.. Wel done..
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I didn't mind the rhyming, surprisingly, except for the fact that again and vain don't rhyme unless you really really try to make them. Overall, the piece was pretty okay. I'm not one for epics or anything I can't get myself involved in, though. Just not my cup of tea.
Thanks for the entry, regardless. -
The structure was dead on. The rhythmic flow of each stanza, and the scheme itself was really strong and symmetrical.
In my opinion- it dragged on a bit. Compared the short summarizing verses and the introduction stanzas, they seemed a little uneven. The ending also felt lack luster to me compared to the rest of the poem.
The word choice was good though. I think it sets the tone for the work without going overboard. It adds an edge to the poem.
Overall, good piece we'll see what fishbone thinks of it. -
a beautiful poem. Full of wonderful descritions and totally fun to read.
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well written poetry the lines flow with ease a nd great imagery now I need you to follow the rules but putting your name and option in your authors comments
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Awesome! Awesome! I absolutely love it. Perfect rhyme and flow. The imagery of the first verse drew me in from the beginning. Great job on this.
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