It was fun pushing that elderly woman into traffic,
It was fun driving over that puppy dog,--
When its bones crunched under my tires,
I swear it sounded like microwave popcorn!
It was fun laughing at the one-legged man
When he fell in the middle of the street,
His big Styrofoam cup of change rattling,
His day's earnings rolling away into a storm gutter.
His crutch just flew out from under him.
I laughed so hard.
It was fun pissing in the coffeemaker,
It was fun spitting in someone's Big Bacon Classic,
It was fun introducing Ex-Lax
Into the drinking water supply of some country-ass town.
It was fun changing the channel
When Sally Struthers came on
Demanding I help some kids I don't even know.
Yeah, Sally, that's gonna happen.
I'm writing out a check right now.
But none of these things are as much fun
As it was being with you,
Holding you, smelling you, tasting your tongue,
Burning the image of your eyes, your smile
Into my brain.
None of these things are as much fun
As it was making love to you,
Penetrating every orifice,
Completing you.
Now that was fun.
Author notes
Okay, before taking this one too seriously, please note that this is not, I repeat, not based on a true story, just me funnin'.
I'd like to believe that there is a skill an Author possesses, that he can write about things beyond his own experiences and sound credible doing it, and I'd like to believe that this is a skill that people can recognize as such.
If anything was truly fun about this poem, it was being able to write it.
Thanks!
- El Gio
Written July 18th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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i thought it was very funny.
i love your humor and i did not exspect the ending at all.
you are a very interesting writer and i will be reading and commenting more.
YOU HAD ME LAUGHING IN MY HEAD,
KNIGHT TIME
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frickin' nut job
I must admit, I chuckled at this one. I hate cruelty to animals, though, and the disabled. Everything else was pretty damn funny.
Those puppies will lick your face in hell!!! just kidding
Edited on Sep 15, 7:18 p.m. because 'mental retardation'. -
I love this poem, and I can be a hard ass when it comes to poetry. Pinching someone else's words 'you restore my faith in this site'. Predictably, I have been unable to express how great I think this poem is. Hope you keeping doing your shit, I dig it.
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Way Cool
Wow. I absolutely LOVED how you unxpectedly segued into the cool sensual ending. This is a truly KILLER piece of work Yosher. -
So evil, I love it. -- and you never know, it could one day be based on a true story.. just...be a little rude to a few people. heh. Nice job.
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I must agree with you. I know the beginning wasn't true but it did bring a punch for the ending and that I believed. Most of my poems are not from emotions I've had. My Numb poem I wrote when I was extremely happy. I write better when my emotions are at an all time high. Doesn't matter which one. Great write. Your humor is the same as mine. Strange and usually not appreciated. May we stand against those with no sense of humor!
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poor dog any who i loved it that was quite funny for some odd reason (am i gonna grow up to be a serial killer or something) lol anywho that was great and idk u have talent lol ok well ttyl
bec -
funny!
one fun thing you didn't mention is driving around during or even after a rainstorm and splashing the people on the sidewalks with yur car and the puddle by the curb. this is funny yet sweet almost, kind of sweet but more lust i guess, i don't know i loved it personally so good job!
~Ash~ -
Awwwww.... poor doggy.
After all the mean things you said, all I care about is the dog. I'm pathetic. lol. This is rather creepy. You seem to like sick, sadistic things, and then making love to your person is better, like it's even more sick and sadistic. lol. I don't know. This is really good. Keep it up!
Veronica
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silly silly stuff
very disturbing
poor doggie!
humorous..I must say
-->aref -
I must too have a wierd sense of humor. I found this piece very funny. The End shows truly your great versitality as a writer
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haha you really had me wonderin there for a second what kinda poem i was readin, but it all came togeather at the end and authors notes helped me out more- good job
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HEE HEE HEE HEE!!!!!!!!!!!! This was pretty funny. i too ahve wierd ass humor. It's fun to write isn't it? The ending was really sweet. Great write, it made me giggle
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Fun, in a twisted kina way
Hmm.. now I want popcorn. You really had me going for a while! This is one of those poems that your eyes get bigger, until the last stanza, and then one eye narrows to a slit, as if to say.. wtf? oohhhhhh. Nice one. -
Characterization is a great skill to have. Yep, this was a cool piece of work.
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you spyin' on me? how'd you know about the crutch? how'd you know any of it? i dunno man, creepy, creepy. i'll be watchin' you...
bizarre and well done. -
the care of little things in the world, that is great, very good poem
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Lol....good job at writing a perspective from someone far from yourself. Yes, it's disturbing, but hey, it's just a poem and not real. I think I got as much of a kick out of reading 'offended' people's comments. It's called imagination and creativity, people. Also, before jumping to conclusions...if ya'd read the Author's comments...well, you'd just feel silly now. It does crack me up that people can be so offended by mere words...words imaginatively crafted into verse like this. Good job, Gio.
Jenn
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Have you ever run over a dog? Another fun thing to do is after a rain storm drive around a splash mud and water on people, when you go by a church and drench a nun, well that is the most fun.
I'm sorry but I don't remember making love to you; I must have been real drunk!
Nice poem -
I found it disturbing and intense. I think you did a good job painting the picture that you were creating for us, though. It was interesting. Not really like anything I'd read before. ...it was almost creepy like a Poe poem. Good job.
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interesting
This was cool yet freaky and spoke in two languages..I guess it arched at two ends like a rainbow..The first lines yes disturbing; but interesting and the last pictured your best fun..Hey people take poetry in different ways..Thats how it is.. Thanks for sharing
Lori -
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It was fun reading your views on the thoughts one can have during every day life, thoughts you normally wouldn't act on because of the consequences... I can imagine it was fun writing this. Personally, I could have done without the cheesy last few lines, as they don't put it in perspective for me. They don't make it more real, for me, but only seem to steal credibility
Just my view ofcourse...
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You must not have read my Author's Comments, so I'll forgive your narrow-minded critique.
Thank you!
- Giovanni -
Yes, your so-called, 'weird-ass humour' is certainly unique. It's also vile and offensive. This conflicts with a lot of my beliefs and it weren't for the some-what redeeming ending which involved orifices and alike; this would have to stand a chance at the 'most distasteful poem' award.
Cheers -
That was good! Alittle mean at the beginning...OK I'm going to easy on it. It was alot mean at the beginning and I was getting pissed. But your wonderful ending and deep insight from your authors note makes the poem so much better. You right, a poet should be able to write beyond their own experiences and sound credible. You have done a VERY good job at that here. Good wite!
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This is some scary things you have going on here. I think I am actualy concerned for your mental well being. But not to worry they do make medication for mental disorders.
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Some people might complain that this is disturbing and no one should have thoughts like these much less write them. I, on the other hand, am impressed with your restraint. I'd bet this could have been much longer, and I'm laughing about what you kept to yourself. Sick puppy
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Ya know what, thats my kinda senseof humor I mean we all like to make old people jump now and again, we all make digusting poo jokes and anal sex remarks, Lifes great isn't it so ya go for this was hilarious LOL
Lakota x -
well as a poetic concept this is well fairly written, the ideas expressed as being fun most would find distrubing (myself included). I feel I should remeind that karma will come back and kick your crippled ass as you reach for a urnie stained coffe pot, after drinking milk tinted with ex-lax, right before some careless asshole runs over you seeing eye dog to hear its bones crunch like as you say
" popcorn". Well now I feel better, poetic well written, conceptually not my taste but whatever floats you boat,
"if it harm none, do what thou wilt" - adapted from Withces Rede
peace be with & blessed be;
shaggy wolf -
Umm wow..This ones.. Wow..Wow.. evil at times.. but yea.. whatever floats your boat...(i know korny saying but .. wow)
~Ash~
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UM...really distubing, but i guess whatever is fun for you!
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