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at war

I'm tortured inside
I don't know what to do
I'm tortured inside
who is this person I thought I knew

I hate myself
I do awful things
I hate myself
I cant even hear the song my spirit sings.

I want it to all stop
The chaos and madness
I want it to all stop
The crying and sadness

I think of myself nothing more than a shadow
with pain and depression
I think of myself nothing more than a shadow
with a heart full of a great confession.

I want the world to stop
I don't want to go on anymore
I want the world to stop
Because this world inside me is at war.

What don't you understand?
What don't you see?
What don't you understand!?
Might as well let things be...

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • forced perfection
    May 6, 2007

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    hey

    Sorry I judged this contest so late. I had a million and one things to do.

    I find it easy to identify with your poem, though I had a very good reason not to put all my own poems like this on the internet. And that reason is, that everybody feels like you described at a certain point of there lives. And a little originality certainly wouldn’t harm anyone.
    Your poem is a lot like a million poems I wrote. It is teenage, depressed thinking. Just like a lot of the other poems that entered this contest.

    I do like this one thing:
    Because this world inside me is at war.

    I think that is a way of looking at a depression and your feeling I never did.

    I wish you all the best of luck in life, and the strength to pull through.

    Love & Peace


  • Pollycheck
    April 24, 2007

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    Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. I am going to go directly to the last lines of your poem.

    What don't you understand?
    What don't you see?
    What don't you understand!?
    Might as well let things be...

    I don't understand, I guess I don't see, but I would hate for you to leave things thae same if you are that miserable. I just do not understand dark poetry. Maybe I am just too old, but I do have an open mind. I have asked several others that have entered this contest to help me understand., Can you tell me what pleasure you get out of writing dark poetry? I will challenge you. Help me understand.


  • Xsafety glassX
    April 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this wuz sooo cool!!! dude, u got finalists!!

    thanx for entering!!


    • Hecate616
      April 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      haha thank you i wrote it not long ago for no reason at all just got depressed and wrote what came to my mind...

      i do feel like no one understands me and most people wont take the time to understand me they assume they know everything about me and then just ruin my life.


  • Lily of the Valley
    April 21, 2007

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    This is kind of interesting in the way you've repeated the first line of each stanza and then rhymed the second. It's done very well and flows very easily.

    You've expressed a lot of pain and sadness in your words and I like the way you talk about the world inside you being at war because that's how it can feel sometimes. We all struggle now and then with deep inner sadness but luckily for most of us, we can work through it and emerge intact the other side.

    PS - Check out the Raven contest (20,000 points and cash) coming to Allpoetry this June.


  • Touchof1der silver member
    April 21, 2007

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    This is quite describing and very beautiful. I find it an awesome poem in its own way about... say a different topic than the usual would be. Overall, this is very nicely done. You have brought out heartfelt emotions within a small piece. I love the ending, simple, powerful and yet leaves you in awe.
    ♥ Touchof1der


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    April 21, 2007

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    What don't you understand?
    What don't you see?
    What don't you understand!?
    Might as well let things be...

    This is an intriguing piece my friend......It is really a heartfelt work revealing the place of the love between the lies and the truths of the life...Its sentiments are amazing which brings out
    the serenity of the soul with reference to the human desires and the capacities of the humans terms of the achievements at the level of true love...Well here I find a very touching poem scripted by the heart of a poet...



  • figment.
    April 19, 2007

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    oh my goodness i love this one....its soooo good, and i know how you feel...but yea this is really well written, i dont know much about poetry but i just love the way this flows...i really like it<3


  • Bas
    April 19, 2007

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    i feel that you are hurting inside by something or someone , maybe that once happen t oyou that you can not let go of , it helps to fogive sometimes and forget and start over , all of us are diferent and have special needs and cares , its impossible to make the world to stop so maybe trying fo find your way into it some how and not let it bother you anymore and don't let the burdens of life bother you so badly

1 - 9 of 9