Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Heart Felt

~
love
lingers
long upon
soul severance
~*~
hardened hollow hearts
leave a bloody teardrop stain
beaten, bitter, pounding pain
yet somehow strengthened
~*~
as dreams dissolve
and sadness
withers
wise
~

Author notes

*Arkquain* ... Form by Arkbear

Syllable count:
1-2-3-4
break
5-7-7-5
break
4-3-2-1

Seven syllable lines must rhyme

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • -Ink Artist-
    April 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent! Very impressive Arkquain, sheltered! Your form is great with a lovely presentation on the page. The thing that struck me more than the pleasing look to this piece, was the fabulous alliteration and the strong underlying message. Great work and congrats on Silver!


    ~Lori


  • -LilacThOughts- gold member
    April 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully penned, deep and dark yet eloquent, and some great aliteration...conratulations on the silver
    ~Lilac


  • Arkbear gold member
    April 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Simply Stunning ~

    Out of 27 entries, I am on number 16 right now ~

     

    ....and I must say...this is by far the prettiest

    in structure...

     

    Also, perfect syllable count....

    ....beautiful message as well.....

    .... and really there is nothing I can

    critique about this poem ~

     

    I am in awe of this write ~

     

    The flow blew me away....

    The beauty this possesses is outstanding ~

     

    So far....you are in the top 3 ~

     

    Thank you so much for taking the time to enter...

    ....but most of all...for taking the time to structure this Form

    with the Beauty that it deserves ~

     

    I have never seen a better Formed Arkquain yet ~

     

    The ONLY, thing....

    .....I would NOT have placed your Form

     next to the Title....that is why I asked for it to be placed in your

    Authors' Coment Box ~

     

    .1 pts. deducted for that ~

     

    Score is 99! 

    To boot this out of the GOLD spot, would take a miracle!

     

    The best to you in this contest ~

     

    Bear ~


  • Haiku-bless-you gold member
    April 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful Arkquain you have penned my friend. Look at all that alliteration you have going on here in this poem. Good flow and sentiment, very well constructed.

    Dennis


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    April 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully shaped poem, hauntingly lyrical. Well penned!


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    April 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    love the alliteration...awesome write!!
    and you blow me away with the form of your forms
    geometric jewels...mine always come out funky.


  • thelordreigns gold member
    April 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful in form and substance. Best of luck in the contest.

    - joanne


  • Arkbear gold member
    April 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Thank you for your entry ~

    Thank you so much for your entry ~

    I will review your entry for certain criteria

    expected from this contest ~

    If you do not hear back from me within 12 hours of the contest deadline, you should have nothing to worry about as long as  EVERYTHING in the RULES have been followed ~

    I will review syllable count just once,

    AND, if there is/are any line/s missing a syllable/s,

    I will let you know only ONCE!

     

    I am looking forward to reviewing your entry ~

    However, Judging will NOT take place until

    closing of this contest, therefore, I will TRY not to read the Theme or Storyline until that time, BUT, sometimes I break my own rules and take a peek ~

     

    The best of luck to you in this contest!

     

    Sincerely,

    Bear ~

     

1 - 8 of 8