Walking to class I never would have dreamed,
That this day would be different than it seemed,
For on a Wednesday Morning I ran into a person we knew,
She seemed so upset & crying too,
"What's wrong?" I asked & she replied,
"Vicki was in a car accident & she may have died..."
"No!" I said as I stood there listening in disbelief,
We went to the counselor's office & found out you was alive to my relief,
But You were in pretty bad shape & your injuries were bad,
I was trying to be strong but inside I was sad.
Then we found out what was going on,
We all started worrying about what went wrong,
You were in critical condition with a fifty-fifty chance,
But in my heart I knew that your soul would be in heaven & dance,
For a Best Friend can sense your pain & feelings,
Your injuries were so bad some things weren't healing,
And I knew how much you missed your dad,
Vicki, You were the best friend I have ever had,
And then two weeks after your accident with the tree,
God took you home & set your spirit & soul free,
For now you are up there healthy & strong,
And I'm still trying to cope with you being gone,
Say Hi to both of our dads for me,
For I know I need to let go of you & let you be.
I will forever have you in my spirit & heart,
For You have always had it from the very start.
Author notes
To the best friend that I have ever had. She (Vicki) died two weeks later after sustaining injuries in a car accident on May 21st 2003...She struck a tree going 84 mph... and died on June 3rd 2003 at the age of seventeen.
Written July 18th, 2003
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Your poems make me cry, but Ill keep reading. This was really sad
Thanks for sharing
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Sad but beautiful
Oh my God, I can hardly imagin what you're going through. I'm actually tearing, crying sielent tears that roll down my face and touch my heart which goes out to you.
I've never had anyone close to me that's died but I've had a coupe close calls so I know what it's like to worry for someone's life. I hope you can get over the tragedy that has just taken place and replace it with the best memories of Viki and you because sadness only lasts for a beriod of time but a memory can last forever aslong as you know how to hold onto it. I'm deeply moved by this piece and it's going on to my favorites because of all the emotion. I'm sorry about your friend and all the greatness to you and God bless Viki although I may not know her but she will always be remembered by the world of poetry through the words written by your hands. Remember, she's watching over you hoping for the best. Don't let her down, she's waiting to see you again and you'll be reunited in Heaven on God's own hand.
Good Luck
*~*Queefie*~* -
Man that was so freakin sad!! I have chills. *tear* I'm sorry for your loss. I've known people tht have died in car accidents (people I went to school with). But I was never that close to someone who died. It must be awful. This was a beautiful write, very touching. You'll be in my prayers :).
~Hope~ -
I am trying to wipe the tears away from my face and eyes. As you know this hit me right in the heart since Kristi is still in a Coma from here recent accident. I'm still holding strong for her through hope and prayer as you did with your best friend. I know death is tough to handle (at least for me) especiaccy when it comes unpredicted through Tragic Accident(s). A very fine write here as well as a tribute to your best friend. I want to thank you for your kind words as well...ThePoetAmuse
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this is so sad im so sorry that you had to lose your friend and she'll always eb with you no matter what. this was very powerful and im so sorry this had to happen to you.
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Beautifully worded tribute
This is such a sad yet beautiful tribute to your friend. I am so sorry for what you are going through. True friends come to you rarely, but know that she will always be with you in spirit. Thank you for sharing this with us. You are a beautiful writer and I look forward to more of your poems. God bless you and I wish you only the very best. -
Good effort
Ok. This is Ode to personal friend who died. Sad, but these things happen. My condolences.
Now to the poem:
At this point, "You" the friend is mentioned. Hmmm. Friend remains mysterious throughout. Ok. Maybe that is your choice. It does make it harder for the reader, because it seems as if the reader is being address in the "you." Does that make since?
For example,
I met you the other day, and you were happy as can be. Then
I met you the other day and you were sailing happy out to sea.
But you, DyingRose, are not sailing out to sea are you?
"You" is the second person point of view. I'd name this friend, even if you have to make up a fake name.
Structure:
What you are trying to say seems like a nice Ballad form.
I'd check out balladeer's balad for Dr. Ben McGee. You will find it easy to read and about the same meter/beat length as your own. Balladeer is easy to chat with as well.
Good storytelling skills with word choices and rhyms ok with me.
Edited on Jul 19, 6:41 because ''. -
wonderful piece!! extremely emotional and vividly portrays your sorrow. you really get the reader to grasp the bond that you and your friend held together. you were able to make the transaction from scene to scene smoothly (IE going from learning about it, to mourning about it, and finally learning to cope with it) the ONLY critique i have for it, is the structure of the poem. Although (as was already said) with the level of emotion the reader can easily surpass the structure, but giving it a better structure would magnify the significance of it, as a whole.
BTW, thank you for your comments on "The Choirs Song I Sing"
All in all, great piece. much liked! -
That was extremely heartfelt loved the level of emotion there and still keeping the rhyme scheme. This was excellent I shall read another.
-J.S. -
okay, and u talk about my poem making u cry!?! i'm really sorry that this happened to you and i hope that everything works itself out in the end. this poem had a great flow and it really touched my heart. i hope that it helped you to get it all out in the open so that you could talk about it. keep up the great work and i hope that you feel better. take care of yourself and i'll read more of your stuff.
~the crystalball -
was alive should be were alive...line 8
say the information on you & tell...this is redundant and seems a little strained...Line 13
This read more like a story than a poem. You could do alot for it by cutting out anything unnecessary, or maybe finding a more eloquent path, avoiding redundancies. Often you can imply something and it comes off much more powerfully than simply saying it. I often have trouble making poems that really mean something to me come off well poetically. This was obviously important to you. To do it justice you could go through it, remove anything unnecessary, and don't worry about whether it rhymes or not. Sometimes you loose meaning when you strain to find words that rhyme. Sorry for your loss. -
tearful!
wow-this certainly touched me. i even hav a lump in my throat now. i am SO incredibly sorry for ur loss i cant even begin to tell u. losing sum1 u love under dire circumstances is the utmost worse possible sincario immaginable. i can tell u 2 wer very very close. and im sure she is up there rite now with both ur dads smilin n shinin down on u and givin u guidance and hope 4 the future.
think of the good and happy times and even sumtimes (if there were ne) the bad. because thinkin of the bad times makes the gd 1s mor precious and golden and thus much mor valuable. but try and always let the gd 1s overide the bad 1s but if not dont b sad that u cant get a gd 1 in ur head. (sorry if that seemed really longwinded and weird)
my cousin died from a car accident a few years ago and the thing i most regret was that i neva knew him. so the pain was not that deep. cherish the thoughts of the time with vicki. at least u got 2 know ur best friend and love her and be loved by her intimately.
at least death teaches u 2 b thankful and really appreciate everythin and love those who love u and even those who dont.
thanx for sharin. i hope it helped to get it out. this is beautifully penned and a wonderful tribute 2 a wonderful person.
take care huney
xxxxx -
Cry for her, and when you do,
think of your tears like this.
Sent from the one you miss.
Precious gifts from her to show,
how much she cares,
and still loves you so.
RR -
Life ended so tragically soon for her, but as you so beautifully said she's in better place. Just remember that one day you'll see each other again in one way or another and that she's with you now. I love this. It's a sad yet lovely poem. My love and support goes out to you and other's who are greving over loeved ones.
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oh i'm so sorry dear , i wish peace for ur friend's soul... and believe me this poem is such a nice tribute to your friendship, i know vicki must be smiling over you from heaven up above while u were writing this piece. and always keep her memories close to ur heart and feel the fragrance of times u spend together i know there r things we cant change ... we have to go on with our lives ..watever may be life never stops.. so keep going with the memories .
take care
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wow....im so sorry for yor loss, i know exactly what its like to lose a best friend. Keep strong, my friend, and just cherish the happy memories that you had with her for they in themselves are priceless
well done on expressing your feelings so well
much love, emma xxxxx -
Oh... wow... I have lost a good friend recently too... and it is so hard... I have written several poems about it... Rigor Mortis, Rewind, What Were You Thinking, Cherry Blossom Ballet, but the words just never say it all... I can't write out the pain, and I suspect that you will never be the same... for it seems that you were very good friends. I am so sorry for your loss.
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Damn. I shouldn't have read this when i am this tired. it is to sad. I don't know what to say. It is amazing. Your sadness echoes through the poem. I'll say thank you, but don't ask why. And i am very glad i read it instead of just going to bed. This one last poem that i almost didn't read, is so beautiful and sad. Very well done.
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Oh this is so sad.
What a terrible thing to have happened...
I am so sorry for the loss of your special friend.
But she will never really be gone for as long as you remember her.
You have written this so gently and beautifully,
it has come straight from your heart.
Thankyou so much for writing it..and for inviting me to share it too.
for you in your grief.
Warmest wishes
Ann *rose* *rose* *rose* *rose*
Edited on Jul 18, 5:10 because ''. -
this was so beautiful, and so sad at the same time. i am so sorry that happen. please if you need someone to talk to just IM me. great piece really.
keep it coming, my friend!!!!!!!!!!
-queen of the damned -
`
`
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Tears falling on a Rose's cheek
Endless sorrow, lives unknown, lives unmade
Tender years striped
but in your memory
Lives a part of her forever
In your Heart she will smile forever
Keep her there, don't let her go
And her love you'll always know.
This was a beautiful poem and a proud and touching tribute to a friend. The rhymes are not over powering and add to the flow, and you are telling such a vivid story that structure is not critical anyway.
Good work with the writing of this tragic piece.
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