Why are there only down escalators here?
Is that to heighten all my fears?
I find I can’t locate an upward path
Could this be the way of God’s own wrath?
There seems to be no way to get out
No way to release my fears and doubt
I’m not used to being the one who’s down
A man plagued by his mirror’s permanent frown
Alas, I think I’m getting the word
My inner thoughts are merely obscured
I have a broken heart that is yet to come
She’s waiting to kill me when she’s done
So spiral I do now into total darkness
I cast my lot to the fates of the heartless
For so tormented is my soul this day
I’ll never be able to find my way
Unless, and if, and perhaps, I can strive
And find someone to make me alive
With a touch and a kiss so soft and tender
A love to share and completely render
But, no, I haven’t the capacity to sustain
And now I’m lost, alone, and quitting in vain
Author notes
Love happens once in a lifetime
You know the feeling ... so sublime
The difference lies in how many
Times you're willing to live, if any,
In the time that you're alive, and fine.
poet
A contest entry
- oogaboogashoogalooga...this is serious by Starlette.
525 points, ended December 7, 2007, 150 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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amazed
wow that is very good. and dark.
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Beautifully done. This was a great read for me... Kudos to you on an amazing piece, and oh yeah, the ending: WOW. Yeah, wow
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My favorite part is when you used escalators only going down becuase it gives a good perspective on how you feel.
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please take a look at rule 4
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oops, sorry, angel
Looked at rule four and put something in
Hoping that my ommission is not a sin
I love the challenge you place before me
But, I'm just this wanderer who cannot see
poet -
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no worries... i just like knowing that people read the rules and if they don't the first time, then it;s just nice to know if they're invested enough to look back. thank you for the rating btw, i really appreciate it.
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this is beautiful. it's not often that i find a poem with a rhyme scheme that is so straightforward and deep and true. this is exactly the kind of stuff i'm looking for. this is filled with astonishingly beautiful passion and i hope you're proud of this piece. good luck ok?
-angel -
Absolutely perfect, the way you built on the suggestions. It fits perfectly and all awkwardness is gone. And of course I'm always happy to help. But I wonder if you could do me a quick favor? I don't have many pieces posted right now, but could you scan through them very quickly and tell me where I might improve? If it's a hassle, don't give it another thought, but I'd certaily appreciate it
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It is much better, but if I may make a suggestion? Instead of these questions, you might try something like: "It seems I can't find an upward path. Could it be a display of God's wrath?"
I hope this helps!! Good luck! -
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now?
check it out, and thanks for taking the time to do me honor with these suggestions.
It is not that we are oh so good
That we cannot find what we should
We need to be open to the ideas of others
Whether they be our sisters or brothers
poet
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This is amazing, just like all your other pieces. It is sad but bittersweet. Lines 3 and 4 are a bit awkward, but other than that, I can't find any problems. The rhyming scheme and meter is excellent, and the poem so simply conveys your feelings very effectively. A lovely write all around.
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3 and 4
check it now, does this help?
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