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Rain

clouds begin to gather slowly at first
then a breeze comes the clouds come faster now
the breeze turns to powerful wind

tree's creak in the gust
leafs blown free and start to
swirl around my head
the world around me becomes
a blur of color gold's and reds blend

the sky darkens more
smell of rain in the air

is thick in my nose
the clouds open at last
rain pours down from above

birds and bugs grow silent
replaced by the pounding
of rain on dry ground 
the dry land drinks it's fill
at long last rain had come

Author notes

inspired by pic #5

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

  • star wars fanatic
    April 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    nice

    Very descriptive and effective. Created great imagery.

    suggestions:
    Leafs should be leaves. Be sure to put in punctuation so the flow is not confusing.

    What option is this? Please message me telling the option and remind me of the name of your poem, too.

    Thanks!


  • Lily of the Valley
    April 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like poetry about nature, particulary about the weather and how it effects the earth. The smell of fresh rain on the ground is a lovely smell which makes me think of the earth sating her thirst after a long period of drought.

    The second line could do with reworking and there are a couple of spelling mistakes to put right but I enjoyed reading this piece of work.

    leafs blown free and start to ... leaves (plural)
    a blur of color gold's and reds blend ... golds

    PS - Check out the Raven contest (20,000 points and cash) coming to Allpoetry this June.


  • x-0-5hr0ud3d-0-x
    April 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Overall

    your imagery is good. try to increase unique vocabulary to capture the audience's attention.


  • silverscent gold member
    April 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    You took the image and completely turned it around; I liked that!


    There was a line at the beginning of the poem that bothered me slightly.
    "then a breeze comes the clouds come faster now
    the breeze..."
    Seemed really wordy. It was difficult for me to read fluently inevitably, hindering the read for me.
    Thanks for entering.