gold lining –
the earth is imbued with
dirty rain water
once drunk the way i drank
your kindness to the last drop
Author notes
(Another perspective)
My little way of saying I'm sorry for my own mistakes.
In a list
A contest entry
- I'm Sorry by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended February 15, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The art of forgiveness by NeonRose.
900 points, ended April 14, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
-
-
Thanks for the clappies
Hope that's the good kind of
-
-
beautifully penned..much said a few lovely lines, and I like the path you took on my quote prompt. Thank you for entering my contest.
-
-
lol you said that before which is why i eneted... ;p
but thanks.
-
-
beautifully penned..much said a few lovely lines, and I like the path you took on my quote prompt. Thank you for entering my contest.
-
Touching
-
WONDERFUL
This reminded me so much of the saying Neva mistake kindness for weakness -
I always wondered what a Tanka was. Now I have seen one in action. Brilliant choice of words - each should be "drank...to the last drop". I may be seeing this incorrectly, but the "gold lining" to me is the essense and outcome of 'saying you sorry'. The 'dirty rain' and 'your kindness' are in contrast - perhaps that's what the Tanka is - but nevertheless, I love these contrasts. Thanks for sharing poetry as well as life's lesson.
-
-
Thank you very much, I really appreciate your comment.
That is not what tanka is, basically it is a poem of five lines that should be 5-7-5-7-7 syllables or less, but there are more subtleties. I learned these mostly in a tanka class held by Andrew Hide here on AP but I'm not sure it's running anymore, unfortunately.
-
-
A very wonderful Tanka
-
-
Thank you.
-
-
Truly brilliant!
This is absolutely wonderfully said Diana. It shows the humility and your acknowledgement of your mistakes - i am really stirred by the line " the way i drank your kindness to the LAST DROP" yeah sometimes people are too good to us and we forget their kindness. Thank goodness you realised it, and u call this a little way of saying sorry LOL! Thanks for visiting my page and commenting, it means a lot to me, specially...
Love and light,
Lencio
-
-
Thank you, Lencio. Your comment also means much to me, and I'm glad you saw all that in my poem. I can just hope the person it refers to will someday see this as well. Best wishes.
~Diana
-
-
I liked this 'sequel' to the previous poem a lot. Its brevity made every line stand out and sink in, so that when I'd reached the last word I felt I had to reread the entire poem. I love the ominious tones brought in by the last line. Also, you definitely brought the emotions on this subject in a different direction, which I appreciated, since that's the point of the contest. Well done.
-
-
Thank you.
-
-
I love the tanka form and you've done very well here. I liked the idea of "gold lining" as opposed to the "silver lining". I do get a sense of guilt here, but sometimes it that is good too
. As always you apply the metaphor with such skill. You make me want to write a tanka too!
~ Nicolette
-
-
Why, it'd be great if you wrote some tanka In fact, this was for a contest, another perspective on my other "gold lining" poem. And about the same person. I wish he saw this one too but... Well, thanks for the comment, Nicolette.
~Diana
-
-
hmmm, i like this i hope you win the contest, cause i think this is good, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
-
Am unfamiliar with the form of Tanka,but nethertheless this concise and compact piece of poetry certainly has emotional impact,liked the fact that you chose to portray the self as sipping too much and to often from the emotional well being of friendship,well done
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
