The windows
are most important-
the patched screens
half-open blinds
finger prints
that stumble up and down
near the small brass window locks.
I have discredited their value
a time or two,
then catch glimpses
of such rooms
with bare walls,
tucked away from the sun,
away from the birds,
away from the incessant noise
of droning cars.
But there,
those spaces,
are cold and empty
and listless at best
without blemishes to catalog
with pretty little adjectives.
just bare walls
and nothing more.
A contest entry
- Four years and counting.... by LionessK.
600 points, ended April 30, 2007, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I really like this, the title caught my attention straight away and it didn't dissapoint, great imagery i particularly liked the fingerprints part. Great!
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Congratulations! I knew this was a WINNER!
Much Love ♥
Renee
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thanks so much Renee. your compliments mean the world...
Kim
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a lovely piece of art.i think the imagery alone is quite stunning.the metaphors have great depth and meaning too.beautifully crafted.
~Helen
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Hi Kimmie dear. I like that you place things where they need to be. There's a certain order to things . . . inside as well as outside. Terrific poem.
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what an awesome write.. especially the two ending lines. I love poetry like this... you can find so much within (and in between) the lines. Thank you for entering the contest and sharing your talent.
~Kristy
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thanks so much.
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This poem made me think more than most do, not because it was soooo complex or used refrences nobody knows, rather it makes the reader contemplate the mundane for it's true value. I see the metaphor to have several possible avenues, one being don't let the dirtiness of the world stop you from experiencing it, but mostly I see a growth metaphor, seeing is believing and learning and with an open window comes an entirely new space to grow into. Your language is everyday, which I think is great in poetry. If I were to say one thing I felt could use some attention it would be the erratic enjambment between the two line stanza 3 and stanza 4, there seems an incomplete thought, followed by an abrupt change. Still I find it to be an intriguing poem to read and enjoy.
Jim
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thanks so much.
I just changed the poem to try to un-enjam those stanza. I think moving the thoughts to a plural sort of context helped clear up that perception - hopefully.
If you get the chance, please take a peek and let me know if that seems to work better.
thanks a million!
Kim
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wow! what a wonderful metaphor! great poetry!
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this really is just a wonderful write- and i dont even want to get my chain saw out.. i love it just as it is.. this is one of the reasons you are perpetually on my favorites list
m
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btw... we wouldn't recognize you without the chainsaw.
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So, I have this woman who is amazing and helping me through something not so amazing. And she makes this comment the other day- "You're my window into this situation, I can't afford to lose you."
and I paused, then said... "Okay, you can look through. But I'm not ready to open it yet. Please don't break it."
and she promised.
Because sometimes knowing what is out there but taking the time the situation deserves before acting upon it is so much better than letting anyone start messing with that brass handle.
does that tie in at all? maybe not. sometimes i read things but really just use them selfishly.
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be as selfish as you'd like
so long as you get something out of it - it's all good.
thanks for the comment hon!
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I haven't cleaned my windows in over a year. They too show so many signs of life. Little "fingerprints" adorn with smudges of identity. A bee hive is forming in the one where the outer glass is broken. I have never given much thought to those windows but I could not live in a house without them. They allow us to see the world move about without ever having to leave our isolated comfort.
This is an awesome work. It leaves me sitting here just now looking out the window into my backyard. I wonder how many woods critters are staring back at me.
Outstanding poetry my friend. I will have to wash my windows soon. I need to see more clearly now. Thank you!
I wish you well in this challenge.
Always Lovingly ♥
Renee
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the little finger print smudges are my favorite.
thanks so much Renee...
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squeaky clean
I like this, it made me smile... all three times. I thought I'd read all these entries... perhaps you just entered it. Anyhow, I like the lightness held in the lines (don't open the window too long) and appreciate the total lack of grime. It's nice to read something that's is what it is... from write to reader its the same on either side of the pane. Hmmm... possible inspiration.
Thanks, Kj
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I entered it early this evening'ish. I tried to go through many myself and comment on them as best as I could. Seriously though, yours got the biggest smile out of me.
Kim
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I think this is wonderful write Kimmie, the close is just great. I wonder about all the short line, i think you might be able to draw even more out of this with longer lines and well chosen breaks, might i even say enjambment
anyway, i love it...
al
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Ironically - I sent this to my mom in an e-mail and cut out the short lines (as you just suggested). I'll go through and do that here as well. When I was done writing and sending it to her as well, I thought - "she's going to hate that choppiness and just not get it." (Thanks for agreeing!)
)
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