Words spew from mouths like venemous lies.
The more I hear the less I wish for.
Like a trickling stream
That never really makes its destination,
perhaps I too shall be forever wandering.
I've heard the words "I never lie".
Truth is, I dont believe them.
How could one believe such conficting stories.
When you know none of them to be true.
Where is the honesty that was spoken.
We all hide behind our masks.
The facade of being fragile.
When we are as strong as steel.
I'm not hurt by it.
To admit that would admit my heart.
There's no reason to allow myself
My heart to be lost.
I'll tuck it away and hide it again.
Safe from those who seek to harm.
Go Back to my fantasies and leave
All the realities left behind.
Shattered Hope is all that's left.
Pick up the peices and try not to cut yourself.
For these are now the objects
Of Your Life.
Author notes
A Freewrite written On Spur of A Moment
In a list
A contest entry
- DARK by mcrfan322.
400 points, ended July 26, 2008, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Kathraina.
650 points, ended August 15, 460 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - bronze II by Salty Hibiscus.
525 points, ended June 11, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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interesting and enjoyed reading it. thanks for sharing.
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wow...I cant tell you what I like best because I love all of it :] Its beautifully written...And filled with so much emotion...I love it
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dark words from a soul lit with light. i feel the sorrow and the hurt. but they didn't put the light out. i can still see the flickers of what was tried to be extinquished.
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great first draft
Often we do not realize a lie can be an exaggeration- a lie can be many things. Most people do not realize they lie in many ways. I downloaded my first poem- here on lies today. I wrote it a long time ago.
This is a great first draft but I think it could be sculpted down and cut to fewer words but you have an interesting thought going on here. I have been writing many years it can take up to ten drafts to get one poem right. The cool thing is this is a great subject and – an awesome start.
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hmmm
I can't tell if you have done this contrast on purpose but you seem to cut out any possible detail of occurrence but still use 'heart' etc openly and in a generic sense. From this conflict of how to place subtlety I'm a bit confused but it was still raw to me. -
I really liked this poem, especially the first verse.
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I'm on the fence with this one, which is really weird because usually I've really pro- or anti- whatever it is. I think in this case it's because I'm really keen on the concept and what you're trying to express, but I don't feel as if you've done it to the best of your ability, type thing. Like, I feel it's sort of lacking and that you could've been more extreme. But don't mind me, I don't know what I'm talking about My favourite stanza, though, is:
"I'm not hurt by it.
To admit that would admit my heart.
There's no reason to allow myself
My heart to be lost."
Nice one -
wow that was beautiful...i loved the last stanza...tied it all together, and created a wondrous ending. Amazing write, dont ever quit!
Lightning <3
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Loved it! Your title alone made me love it, lol! Great job!
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loved it....shattered hope is all thats left....great poem friend
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Very good write.
Very dark, but a good write. Very ture for some people. The mind works in a mysterious way and emotions are sometimes withheld. To hide behind a mask or shield or inside a bubble is ones way of coping. Some others verbalize and state what it is that is affecting their lives. For a poem - freewrite, this is a very good example of how we emote as humans. Very good write in the sense that you have expressed distrut, hurt and a sense of insecurity, in my opinion. I liked this very much.
Keep on witing. You have a gift. Tell it like it is...!
Lmas
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I really like this poem....i can relate to it....i am lied to constantly....but i can't bring myself to let go....continuing to be the fool who believes the lies.
This really tells the story.....with amazing imagery all the way through...really captures the reader.
Well done on a brilliant write!
A well deserved trophy too...well done!
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Wow! Double wow for a dark write and pulling this off - you certainly have a way with words! It's bleak, jagged, and succint. Congratulations on your win!
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wow
this was so amazeing -
Oh my goodness, this is spectacular!
The way you write... it's just so honest, it makes it so much more real. And I love how you were able to say what you felt in such an articulate way! -
I really like this piece, it reminds me a lot of my own poems. You have a great talent, the last stanza is amazing. Congratulations on the bronze trophy, I look forward to reading more. (:
-- Tor
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Strong and powerful piece you have here
Playing games, lying, and just acting the fool have no place in life as far as I'm concerned and you wrote of these issues quite well
Congratulations on your bronze trophy
All the best in your writing endeavors
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This is very lovely! I write just like this really. I like how the title had me wondering and then throughout the poem you defined what you mean by "Shattered Hope." I thought you did an excellent job of describing what it was to you and what it meant. Congrats on the bronze btw!
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I thought it was very beautiful. I loved the language you used and what you wrote about what very very lovely. Great write, thanks for sharing and congrats for the bronze in the contest ^^ xoxo
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this was a beautiful write my friend. keep up the great work and i love how you make sure the reader feels your emotion.
Yours truly Jonathan. -
Amazing imagery!
I absolutely loved this poem. I love your first and fourth stanzas. I can feel the emotion flowing through your piece and I really understand what you were trying to communicate. If you were to revise this poem, I really do not think you should change anything. This poem is truly awe-inspiring. You and I as well as most on this site all share something in common; we can communicate our feelings through our poetry, and I think being able to do that is what helped make this poem so powerful. GREAT job!!
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Holy cow!
i LOVED this poem. Sooo much. Especially this line.
Shattered Hope is all that's left.
Pick up the peices and try not to cut yourself.
That has soo much meaning behind it's back. I hope you never stop writing.
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I totally get what you are saying here, and you obviously have been lied to. But I dont think people lie to hurt others, I think they lie to avoid uneasy situations the truth would bring. It's mostly just selfish but then again a lie to avoid hurting someone? I'm not sure what to think about that.
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Brill
Plato kicked out all poets from Athens, because of their lies. Poetry is lies, it has to be. Like a map is a lie, whose seen a blue river? and so on...
This poem has come from the inner depths, like a rant without thought. The pain is raw and almost tangible. Keep writing on the hoof.
Top drawer. -
i really like it! you used good word choice and shared your emotion well
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I really like it. its wonderful.
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from the first line i was amazed this is really awesome
"Words spew from mouths like venemous lies.
The more I hear the less I wish for.
Like a trickling stream
That never really makes its destination,
perhaps I too shall be forever wandering."
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Shattered Hope is all that's left.
Pick up the peices and try not to cut yourself.
For these are now the objects
Of Your Life.
Very powerful lines. I know I'm young but I hope my opinion still counts...This is an amazing poem...it seems as if you lost yourself while writing this{which is not a bad thing}. Wonderful is all i have to say on this poem. (leave it as is nothing should be changed)
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GREAT!
Where is the honesty that was spoken.
We all hide behind our masks.
The facade of being fragile.
When we are as strong as steel.
these are awesome lines!!! great from beginning to end...I liked this poem Where is the honesty that was spoken.
We all hide behind our masks.
The facade of being fragile.
When we are as strong as steel very much...peace and light, Kendal
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An awesome read. "Pick up the pieces and try not to cut yourself", loved that part. How many times do we do that?? Countless.
Well done and thnaks for sharin
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What an amazing write! I love the way you describe things, i cant even put my finger on what part I love most. The whole thing was just amazing from the first line to the last! Amazing!
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i dont believing hiding is the best but i do it all the time and still manage to get hurt...get to going with that little hope that is left.
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great poem... real emotional... great write... loved the writing... loved the fraising... really put together a really great poem... srry that my comment sucked.. im not very good... but great poem i really liked it... keep on writing... hope you win... and good luck.
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I agree..hiding away is sometimes best..
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Very good write! Glad I read it
'We all hide behind our masks.
The facade of being fragile.
When we are as strong as steel.'
Awesome
Love and peace
halleluja
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Shattered Hope is all that's left.
Pick up the peices and try not to cut yourself.
For these are now the objects
Of Your Life.
strong poem you have here
i loved it
i enjoyed reading it from the start till the end
thank you for sharing
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Wonderful write!! This is a very truthful poem for me.
It helped see some things I need to change. I'm glad it caught my attention.
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I really enjoyed reading this!!!! Does that make me sadistic? LOL Maybe it's just because I relate!!!! Very well writen!!!!
~DAWN~
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