He has always been my favorite literary figure.
As a child I would follow his story with baited breath.
From birth to death.
You know who I'm talking about, the guy with the crown of thorns.
At Christmas , I'd go to mass and hold my breath as his story was told.
At Easter time, I'd hold my breath and pray with all my heart that the outcome of the Passion would be different ...
...it never was.
Looking back now,on my now, on how I lost my faith, I wonder where it has gone?
So where in between here and now...
...and yesterday, could it have been the day I realized, what and who I was?
Labeling , acceptance by your peers...sigh...your faith...
I mean, anyone who knows me, would think that I was intrinsically good you see, except, except for my gayness .
But the minute, people heard that, well, things changed...
...the day I was told, well in spite of my goodness, to put it loosely, I'd be damnend and never see paradise, that's the day something died inside.
My faith,it shattered into a million fragmented pieces all reflecting me.
The day I felt crucified on the cross of peoples perceptions.
My heart bleed a thousand deaths.
I could never believe, in a faith, which could not believe in me.
(sigh)...years later looking back, thinking back, I realized that I had played a martyr, to my beliefs, to my orientation.
Well, I think I'm still intrinsically good, just more certain of myself, my life.
I wear my rainbow crown with pride, I am no longer fragmented, my cross I've cut it down, used it as fuel to burn the pain I carried for years, the ashes I scattered here on this page...
Author notes
I hate checking spelling, so yip, that's that.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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This was brillant, showed emotion and pure honesty. I do feel you can't blame faith though, only the people of faith. As a non-god believer myself, I have never hated him, just them.
But anyway, I like it, seems a little bit of a rant at stages but I feel that adds alot of effect to the overall feel.
Nicely done
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Brilliant
This was such a pleasure to read. It was a story unfolding in front of me and was so full of emotion and tenderness. Well done for writing such a touching story. Good on you. -
Brilliant
One criticism: You put "bleed" in the place of "bled." (Sorry)
Onto the good stuff: I love the topic you chose to write about, as I know several people who have gone through the same persecution which you describe in your poem. I myself was forced out of my old church for asking why god would not allow homosexuals into heaven, people who he created who loved others, and why he would allow murderers and rapists in. Apparently, Murderers and rapists can repent for their evil, but gays cannot be forgiven for finding love in the locker room.
This poem has no structural flaws which I find apparent, and I like the little interjections of sighs you throw in. This is the best poem I've read in a long time. I hope we'll get to see more like this. -
i think this is a good write because it's real. though i want to suggest giving the format a second run through. right now it's reading like a journal entry. my favorite part by far is the last stanza and the ending was beautiful. anyway the format thing is just a suggestion. overall i liked reading it.
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Transcend All
Groovy Write! I mean you put a lot of yourself in here, placing yourself out here in two topics difficult for people to cope with. BRAVO! My partner came in while I was reading it this am, and she liked it as well. Both of us came from extremely religious backgrounds, so I have to say you captured the emotion of your journey. I like that you write as if your having a train of thought. Often that can be hard to follow but this wasn't at all. Thank you for putting yourself out there. I hope to see more of your work.
Namaste'
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Oh i read a previous post, if you are a homosexual, maybe word it slightly differently, erm.. it's your choice obviously, but maybe change "gayness" to "sexuality". because i think gayness gives across a slightly different messagge.
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Brilliant
I also lost my faith a long time ago, due to mostly the same reasons as you, this is a birlliant poem, i like the way you used the metafor "The day I felt crucified on the cross of peoples perceptions" very effective.
When you used "(sigh)...years later looking back" i was slightly dissapointed, because i dont like poems that put actions into writing, maybe if you removed the "(sigh)" and just have the "..." or perhaps reword it to "when i look back years i'm forced to sigh" or something that fits the flow, (hehe im not very good at making it up on the spot). Other than that very well done.
And also what did you mean by "I was intrinsically good you see, except, except for my gayness." Is it the obvious meaning, or something a little deeper i wasnt sure.
Keep it up!
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wow, full of feeling and emotion. this was a beautiful write. continue writing you are very gifted. kudos for this piece.
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this was really, really good. there was so much feeling in it and so much emotion. the form you used was really good too. i really enjoyed reading it. good job
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This was good. Really good. I like the prose form, makes it more like a journal entry than a poem and as far as this idea is concerned- no other form would work as well. And I fear that you will get more comments like "You must accept yourself before accepting God" blah blah blah. I have the distinct feeling that you don't need or want to learn to accept God, you do accept yourself, and you have a better idea of who you are than most people. This was a very enjoyable read, so well done.
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To the point.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. The poem was written in the prose form because, discovering myself and my sexual identity has been a journey. It is a piece that has been working itself out in my head and my soul for so long. Thanks for not bombing me with religious ramblings. Faith and spirituality are very personal things.
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Interesting piece. Mediating who you are with something like what faith says is difficult and will always be something that is contentious. Thank you for your thoughts. All the best. Anthony.
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good emotional piece...sad...i have gay aquintances andfamily members who are good people...they tell me they were born that way and who am i to disagree...spirituality is good...unfortunatley religion leaves little room for an open mind...i felt your pain and i hope you find your faith...great write
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Growl
Thanks for taking the time to read it...
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this poem is filled with raw emotion and i loved it. its sad that some people can never accept the gay community but in my mind its them who's missing out. its a beautiful poem and its sad and happy all at the same time. well done for this wonderful write.
Claire-Anne
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melodramatic
I think this piece is painfully raw, but hopeful. You never had any faith, because you always wanted the story to end differently. You did not have faith in yourself either but now you seem to, and when you can accept yourself, you'll be able to accept God, who loves us for our selves and our intrinsic goodness. Good Luck to you Keep writing, you have a talent for laying it all "out there" -
shattered faith is dangerous. nothing can interfere with your personal relationship with god. i really liked this and i think it should be a reminder to all christians. good luck in your writes and i enjoyed reading this!
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This was one of the most heart wrenching peices on someone being turned away from religion due to sexual preferences that I've ever read. Your deliberate honesty and the fact that you are still proud of you who you are, religion be damned. I love this peice and I think that it is definetely the best I've seen in this respect and ideas.
~A heart's hope lies within belladonna~ -
I like the honesty of this piece and the fact that you have dug deep within your heart and soul and allowed it to be spilled across the page here. I cannot say if one lifestyle over another is THE way to live. I tend to believe that we are judged based on the knowledge and understanding we all hold within our own individual hearts because to do otherwise would simply be unfair and unjust. There are too many interpretations to allow otherwise. Very thoughtful piece.
♥ Touchof1der -
I would like to encourage you to treat your Faith like you would your Car or Home... Step outside of what you have been GIVEN and discover for yourself what it is you believe in as your own person. Ask the important questions and look for your answers in new and different places other than the ones you have always searched. I can PROMISE you that you will discover a TRUTH that is YOURS and you will become empowered because of it. YOU are worthy! If you ever need to talk, Let me know...peace and light, Kendal
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Spectacular!!
This is a Spectacular and very Honest piece
of writing. You just laid all your cards
right out there for the world to see. I
love every single line in this Masterful
piece of writing. We are who we are and
people can either accept that or they can not.
You are truly a very talented writer and a truly
wonderful person please know this to be true.
Thank You for a SPECTACULAR read my dear friend.
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