With a flash the sea comes to life
waves break against the hull
lines tangled in the wind
see a storm 5 miles out
so fast and loud it came
upon us with whipping wind
we had but a minute to
batten down
captains yelling above the of the wind
"all hands on deck"
no need were already there
tossed like a toy we are
rudder gone
and radar out
we are blind with no control
lost at sea with out much hope
we pray Poseidon has some mercy
for our fair vessel and her crew
if not so we are all surly doomed
to the inky black sea so many fear
with a flash saint elmos fire
comes down the masts and up the lines
all thoughts of fear of death forgotten now
mesmerized we stand by the green lights that
surround us all.
Those lights from above were our doom
we never saw the towering wave above us
blinded by the light we were
with a crash over bored we go
one last look at her keel and down she goes
all hands present and never to return
Author notes
got idea from a pic and the Tales Of Brave Ulysses by Cream
A contest entry
- Anything (within reason) Goes by Larue.
335 points, ended April 19, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Two Options by IndividualEleven. by IndividualEleven.
850 points, ended May 13, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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good imagery... not many tales of the sea poems these days... i enjoyed the read to say the least.... in line 37 "bored" should be "board".
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good job
Tales of the Brave Ulysses was a very good reading choice. i can see how it may have inspired this poem...
i do like the poem, i love to go boating, but mostly just taking my poppy's john boat out on the lake.
the poem runs smoothly but the grammer in some areas has a bit to be desired, a couple of places it seem to confuse me until i noticed that it was a grammer error.
but i do like your poem, it kind of had a sad ending to it... never is good when a sailor can't come home to his family.
good job though.
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this has really beautiful imagery and you set the scene very well. but is it about anything other than a shipwreck? if it is, you could strengthen the allegory a bit.
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very cool, nice descriptions and energetic imagery, i liked the way you depicted the moment, really sets the scene, great job and thanks for entering - Jacen an IndividualEleven.
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Good luck in the contest. I liked this poem, it used alliteration well
I liked the use of enjambment here. This was a good poem about the sea
Pozo
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A very nice write, with some very good imagery in it. The spelling could be improved a bit, but that's okay. Also, maybe including punctuation in this would help it to flow better, but that's just a suggestion of course. Anyways, this was definitely pretty good!
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Very nice idea... grammar was iffy, but at least you were consistent with the style you used. Nice flow as well. You did not, however, follow the last rule. At this point, it won't get you dq'd but you won't get any brownie points either. Good job, though!
-Skye -
yea as the other guy said very tragic
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sweet
it's a good song the poem was very good very tragic
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