the cross-town bus ride,
proved more interesting,
to end
a perfect day.
she sat with legs crossed
smooth as silk.
her face sparkling clean
prancing a smile
expressing;
‘you want me!’
with eyes explode,
illusions of what
I did want,
she already knows.
after small talk
and trivial-
lets get to know you.
we cut through
the chase.
a few drinks and bite to eat,
lead us to the soft bed
where-
I eased off her dress.
Yes,
Yes!
she consumed me of passion.
never once,
did she speak of love
or marriage.
she only wanted
what all girls say
they don’t want.
sex,
without commitment.
Author notes
Thanks to Charles B, I was inspired to write about life experiences
A contest entry
- Bukowski I0I -- "For Jane" by truembrace.
500 points, ended May 7, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1000 POINTS or a smack in the head with a dead trout. by dp robertson.
1710 points, ended June 3, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is close to good writing without actually touching. It falls somewhere close and as far as the story goes and how it was told there is possibly a little too much reporting and not quite enough art. But that said it held this reader who was in some small way hoping the protagonist was going to get his knob chewed off or half choked to death but alas just a good old fashioned shag without commitment.
David
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Yeah....Sorry
he just got his rocks off, not chewed. I guess something a little more vulger would have pleased you guys...In the past those type of writings got me booted from comps. Shame how some have no sense of humor. You guys are just heartless and vulger. One might say...worse if they were pissed off....LOL Thanks for commenting..DP
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I was kind of hoping you found out she had balls.
Great language. -
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Ahh
Just so happens I have a writing with that particular ending...I hope I can find it in my files. It was never posted on this site...I have been reading your critiques on the entries here...I must say...at 2am I am going to bed laughing at the things said...but fear what soon may befall me when the rest of you guys read this entry....Thanks for being so kind.
Mal
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Well, that is an interesting perspective and I suppose one that several people share, certainly Bukowski shares that idea.
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Perhaps.....
LOL
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I think spicey really was the word for this poem. It's written well with some descriptions that do remind me of some of the verses where Bukowski would write about the view of a woman's legs teasing through the skirt slit -- things like that they would draw in an audience that likes a bit of the "naughty" side.
as far as what every woman says they don't want... I thought they just bite their tongue to not let the guy know either way. We're all supposed to be angels ya know...
Kim
p.s. thanks so much for the entry into the contest. great visuals in this.
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Every man's dream sex without commitment...Lovely spicy poem...Godo luck in yoru contest. ~Sie
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May indeed be a true fact with today's generation. However,the rules of the game never change.If being called the appropriate terms of their actions doesn't bother them.Whatever. Your piece meets the requirements of a non commital male fantasy.You've expressed the seemier side of relationships quite well.
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she consumed me of passion.
never once
did she speak of love
or marriage.
she only wanted what
all girls say
they don’t want.
sex without,
commitment....you are very right my dear mally...true for the young generations of today. good job!
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