~*~
Smile
His love
surrounds us;
a soft cocoon
~*~
Bask in His glory,
do what He would want you to,
Through His eyes life you must view.
He will show the way.
~*~
Follow His light,
and you will
be saved.
Trust.
Author notes
Arkquain created by Arkbear
A contest entry
- *~ Poetry Formed V ~* by Arkbear.
400 points, ended April 26, 2007, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
What a wonderful entry ~
Except for the 2nd & 3rd lines in
the 2nd stanza, this is almost flawless to the *T*
The punctuation is a bit off...
...and the structure could have used a slight bit of work to
make this the best aesthetically apealing Structure in
this Arkquian contest thus far...
....( .3 pts deducted for that ) ~
I would not have spaced your stanzas so far apart,
but only .6 pts. deducted for that
Lovely message and presentation as well ~The best to you in this contest ~
Bear ~
-
Good Arkquain and good advise. Nice flow with subtle alliteration.
Dennis
-
frgot to applaud! so here goes...
-
frgot to applaud!
-
FAB FAB FAB! the cocoon metaphor was soo apropriate and looked so beautiful here... the message was wonderful, u wrote so much in so few lines! and the last word "trust" just kind of completed it! And it looks like a Perfect Poem! ur poem and the form compliment each other so fantastically! and the way u began and ended with "smile" and "trust"..,. ah! i cant tell u! u r an absolute pleasure to read granma... keep the pen rolling, lov and cheers, hugs and kisses, shuvi!
-
I love this one! There is no greater message to delivered in written or any other form!
You wrote in this very strict form in a very natural way. Nothing seems forced. The thought flow and rhythm of the words are smooth and easy to read. I love the simple "Smile" that constitutes the first line. Certainly God has given us the best reason to smile.
My Favorite:
His love
surrounds us;
a soft cocoon
This image of the cocoon speaks so powerfully of the protection and transforming power of His glorious love. This is very nice. -
Beautiful! This is my favorite from you.
-
This is a lovely "Arkquain". I sense the metaphor of cocoon, then butterfly. Subtle and gentle.
-
Gorgeous ~
Thank you so much for your entry ~
I will review your entry for certain criteria
expected from this contest ~
If you do not hear back from me within 12 hours of the contest deadline, you should have nothing to worry about as long as EVERYTHING in the RULES have been followed ~
I will review syllable count just once,
AND, if there is/are any line/s missing a syllable/s,
I will let you know only ONCE!
I am looking forward to reviewing your entry ~
However, Judging will NOT take place until
closing of this contest, therefore,
I will TRY not to read the Theme or
Storyline until that time, BUT,
sometimes I break my own rules and take a peek ~
The best of luck to you in this contest!
Sincerely,
Bear ~
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